Tuesday, October 16, 2012

31 Days - Seeing God in and because of a Conference Call

It's Monday night and I'm writing Tuesday's post because I have to share how God showed up big tonight. So big, I'm not sure how to put this all together, but I'll try, so please bear with me.

Tonight I had the privilege of being part of a conference call for Melissa Taylor's online study of Unglued. Wendy Blight was the guest and her message was one God knew I needed to hear. She was focusing on being an unglued parent.

My starting five on Mother's Day!
Now when I tell you I'm the homeschooling parent of 5 children who are odd (that was our discovery today - since Jed turned 3 on Friday I now have a 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9 year old) you might realize there's the potential for unglued moments in our day. But if you were to ask some of my friends or people who know me, I'm guessing the last word they'd use to describe me would be exploder. I can recall the comment I heard the most as a former teacher (junior high of all things), "You are the most patient teacher my kids have ever had."

Let's just say my husband cannot say that about the woman who teaches his children day after day. And the thing is, he hasn't really even seen me snap at them. So what's changed? Home-school vs public, Elementary vs Junior High, My children vs My students, Me? Lots of things really, but since I only have control over myself that is where I must look to make improvements.

Before improvements can be made I must confess something isn't right. This isn't an easy thing to put out there, but God already knows - Psalms 90:8 says, "You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence." He's seen me snap at the ones I love the most, He's heard me use words that hurt their heart (and His) and He knows I've regretted reacting wrongly, said I'm sorry but then did it all again. He knows and now you do too, but that's OK.

Tonight I truly believe He's taken me from a place of condemnation to a place of conviction. It's no longer about me trying to work harder and get this Mom thing right it's about turning to Him faster and being a daughter who relies on her Father. He is the one who does the Mom thing right. 

I was blessed to meet Wendy this summer...a real woman of God!
Friend, I'm seeing God in all of this and I pray you are too! You see as Wendy, gentle, kind, loving Wendy shared her story tears fell from my eyes, but God spoke to my heart. From my perspective, I've observed a wonderful relationship between Wendy and her college daughter, but to rewind and see how things were years ago that gave me hope. If God can do that for her...I know He can do it for me.

The call ended...a bit early for me, my 3 year old dropped my phone and it died, but I didn't explode!! As we prepared for bed I was eager to begin applying what Wendy had taught us...I was going to pray, dig into the Word and begin filling myself with Truth.

But God had other plans...we started in with the bedtime routine and I found myself laying next to Joy. I started what I thought to be a quick prayer, but God intended to be a cleansing of the heart. The spirit had been stirring my heart and I began pouring it out...this put Jed to sleep, but left a look of concern on Joy's face. 

This opened the door for a mother and daughter heart to heart complete with tears and laughs, apologies and forgiveness. A precious and powerful time.

I came downstairs with much on my heart and a house that was quiet. The thought, "I should write my blog post for tomorrow" crossed my mind, but then I recalled words from the call, "Go to Him first." So I opened my prayer journal and poured from a heart I thought was empty. 

As soon as it was empty God led me to His Word so He could fill it. He took me to places I didn't expect, but shared passages I needed to hear. The journey began in Psalms with the verse I quoted above and then led to Psalm 51, specifically verses 10 - 12, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit  from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." 

These are words I recited every week in church as a child, but ones I didn't realize came from the Word until I was an adult. Words that are now the prayer of my heart!! I want a heart that's pure, I need His Spirit in me and I desire a spirit that is willing even when my children are not!

My walk thru the Word took another change of direction and I ended up at 1 Samuel 28. Here Saul inquires of the medium at Endor after he had expelled them from the land. The point God made to me here is: an unchanged heart is going to return to sin. I have been down that road and I don't want to return. 

Friend, it's not enough to acknowledge the problem and say we want to change, we have to do the work. Like I tell my kids, work usually isn't easy, but it is necessary. And when God is the One we are working for the effort is worth it and the results are eternal. 

I'll close with two verses I plan to enthrone on my heart and I'd love for you to share one of your own! Leave a comment and be entered to win a copy of Wendy Blight's amazing book, "Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner." Believe me God speaks thru this book!! I will draw a winner from all of this week's comments and announce the winner on Monday!

Two verses I know I need and trust He'll use - 

Proverbs 19:11 - A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 16:32 -  Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.

2 comments:

  1. Great verses and encouragement, Jill. One of my favorite "convicting" verses is Proverbs 14:1, "Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands." Brick by brick as I tear my children down or build them up. Blessings, Friend.

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  2. Jill, you just cannot imagine how reading this post today fills my heart. If only you could have heard the prayers I lifted for the days preceding this conference call!! God answered them...I see answered prayer in the words of your post. He is such a good and faithful God. Thank you for sharing your journey in this post. Not only is it beautiful, but also it is a WONDERFUL model for us all to follow to be LED by the Spirit.

    Thank you, thank you! Praying God continues to bring you to a place of surrender for that which you are seeking hard after Him.

    Love you,

    Wendy

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