Tonight I had the privilege of being part of a conference call for Melissa Taylor's online study of Unglued. Wendy Blight was the guest and her message was one God knew I needed to hear. She was focusing on being an unglued parent.
|My starting five on Mother's Day!|
Let's just say my husband cannot say that about the woman who teaches his children day after day. And the thing is, he hasn't really even seen me snap at them. So what's changed? Home-school vs public, Elementary vs Junior High, My children vs My students, Me? Lots of things really, but since I only have control over myself that is where I must look to make improvements.
Before improvements can be made I must confess something isn't right. This isn't an easy thing to put out there, but God already knows - Psalms 90:8 says, "You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence." He's seen me snap at the ones I love the most, He's heard me use words that hurt their heart (and His) and He knows I've regretted reacting wrongly, said I'm sorry but then did it all again. He knows and now you do too, but that's OK.
Tonight I truly believe He's taken me from a place of condemnation to a place of conviction. It's no longer about me trying to work harder and get this Mom thing right it's about turning to Him faster and being a daughter who relies on her Father. He is the one who does the Mom thing right.
|I was blessed to meet Wendy this summer...a real woman of God!|
The call ended...a bit early for me, my 3 year old dropped my phone and it died, but I didn't explode!! As we prepared for bed I was eager to begin applying what Wendy had taught us...I was going to pray, dig into the Word and begin filling myself with Truth.
But God had other plans...we started in with the bedtime routine and I found myself laying next to Joy. I started what I thought to be a quick prayer, but God intended to be a cleansing of the heart. The spirit had been stirring my heart and I began pouring it out...this put Jed to sleep, but left a look of concern on Joy's face.
This opened the door for a mother and daughter heart to heart complete with tears and laughs, apologies and forgiveness. A precious and powerful time.
I came downstairs with much on my heart and a house that was quiet. The thought, "I should write my blog post for tomorrow" crossed my mind, but then I recalled words from the call, "Go to Him first." So I opened my prayer journal and poured from a heart I thought was empty.
As soon as it was empty God led me to His Word so He could fill it. He took me to places I didn't expect, but shared passages I needed to hear. The journey began in Psalms with the verse I quoted above and then led to Psalm 51, specifically verses 10 - 12, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
These are words I recited every week in church as a child, but ones I didn't realize came from the Word until I was an adult. Words that are now the prayer of my heart!! I want a heart that's pure, I need His Spirit in me and I desire a spirit that is willing even when my children are not!
My walk thru the Word took another change of direction and I ended up at 1 Samuel 28. Here Saul inquires of the medium at Endor after he had expelled them from the land. The point God made to me here is: an unchanged heart is going to return to sin. I have been down that road and I don't want to return.
Friend, it's not enough to acknowledge the problem and say we want to change, we have to do the work. Like I tell my kids, work usually isn't easy, but it is necessary. And when God is the One we are working for the effort is worth it and the results are eternal.
I'll close with two verses I plan to enthrone on my heart and I'd love for you to share one of your own! Leave a comment and be entered to win a copy of Wendy Blight's amazing book, "Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner." Believe me God speaks thru this book!! I will draw a winner from all of this week's comments and announce the winner on Monday!
Two verses I know I need and trust He'll use -
Proverbs 19:11 - A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 16:32 - Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.