"Why me?" a question we have all asked from time to time and one I've asked far too often. Usually it's a question we hear from others or even in our own minds when something bad happens or tragedy strikes - "Why did I lose my job? Why did my loved one have to die? Why didn't I make the team?" Lately it's been a question I have been asking not because of a death, loss of a job or any other event, but simply because God is calling me out of my comfort zone.
In "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith" Lysa TerKeurst discusses this very question in chapter 6. As she too is being called to take a step of faith, she shares about not only silently asking herself the question, but asking a friend, "Why me, Sheila? Why me?" Her friend replies with the best possible answer, "Because God knew you'd say yes Lysa."
Obviously that's the best answer for Lysa TerKeurst, but does that apply for me too? At times when my mind is full of doubts and overflowing with all the what ifs, my mind wants to say "No, that's not true for you!!" But in my heart I know that's what God wants, it's what He calls us to do - follow Him and let go of everything else, including the worries, doubts and fears.
Though at times I don't understand the whys and occasionally the work seems impossible, I know it's not my place to figure things out. That's not what He has called me to do, He just asks me to trust, submit and proceed.
So as God continues to call, I know He doesn't want to hear a broken record. He doesn't just call us out of our comfort zone to perform a certain task and complete another job on His to-do list. He is strengthening me, our relationship and impacting others.
All the while this is taking place God is with me, the topic of chapter 7. As Lysa says, "though I knew the purpose was to learn to depend on God like never before, it was hard." God doesn't tell us it will be easy, but the Bible does tell us His ways are higher than my ways. Though my selfish mind doesn't always act like that is true, I have enough experience to know His word is accurate.
As the journey continues my faith is growing and my desire to share is increasing. At times it is amazing how much He can change me! Though I still have fears and can worry about others' opinion way too much, I prayerfully keep moving forward and trust where God is leading.
At times I even find myself still asking "Why me?" The question is not always based on fear though. Instead it stems from worthiness - the thoughts in my mind go from "Why am I the one privileged to lead this group?" or "God why am I the one whose story you want to tell?" I have done nothing to deserve the privilege of some of the callings God has given me.
"Why?" is one of the first questions every child asks and though the subject matter may change thru the years, the question is always there. At least that's been the case for me, but as I mature God continues to provide answers...
"Why me, God? Why me?"
"Jill you've said yes before and I trust you will say it again."
"God I want to say yes, but I can't do this. I don't deserve to do this."
"Daughter, you can't do this, but I can. And it's not about what you've done, but who I am."