My Mess, A Message??

Once again it is Tuesday, meaning I will be looking at Lysa TerKeurst's book entitled, "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith." This week we are focusing on chapters 4 and 5 - Loving God More than My Dream and The Adventure Our Souls Were Made For. At times it feels like Lysa is writing about my life...

One of her first lines, "God will take you to amazing places - but it won't always be where you thought you wanted to go, and the road won't always be easy." Looking back over my life, I know that statement has been true, but I feel it's more true now than ever. As He calls me to leave my comfort zone, I am afraid, I doubt, and at times feel like my young children as my mind says, "but I don't want to."

As this struggle continues, God keeps working on me and constantly confirms the message He is sending. Gradually my heart softens, my faith grows and my attitude changes and little by little I move forward - one step at a time.

I think back over the last 6 months and I have done things I never thought I would and true, it hasn't been easy, but as she says, "your roots grow deeper, not just wider." That is necessary because as I step out there the winds blow and just like the corn my husband puts in the ground, I need deep roots to keep me standing when the storms come.

Those roots don't just keep me on my feet, they allow me to grow. God, our creator, created me that way and as this growth takes place in my life it simultaneously occurs in my relationship with Him as well.

Just this past Sunday our Pastor spoke on fear, not the fears I tend to occupy my mind with - the fear of other's opinion, fear of not measuring up, fear of not being good enough, you get the idea... But instead the fear of God - Proverbs 9:10 says, "The fear of God is the beginning of knowledge." I believe the Bible, so why do I struggle to do what it says?

So as my roots grow, God is encouraging me to live more and more in fear of Him and slowly removing the desire to please people. Though I have a ways to go, Lysa reminds us, "He's the perfector and God will finish it." What a comforting thought.

As that thought comforts me, it also reassures me who I must depend on. I have failed enough on my own to know my strength is not enough. I must rely on Him, even when it seems what He is calling me to do doesn't line up with the plans I had when I dreamt of my future as a child.

Though my reality doesn't match up with dreamland, I know it matches up with God's plan. He simply is asking for obedience. And as I do this my prayer is someday I will be like the orphanage boys Lysa refers to as she says, "Little did they know their step of faith to honor God would result in their biggest dreams coming true."

What is our biggest dream? They're as different as the faces in the mirror, but ultimately don't they all come back to honoring and obeying God?

It seems God has called me to use my mess as a message. He can do this in many ways in all of our lives, but in my case He's asking me to write a book. The idea seemed crazy, but after months of doubt, I did it. Now He's moving to the next step and asking me to publish it. Again it's crazy, but also overwhelming and a bit scary. Actually a lot, but then I'm reminded - "Who do I fear?"

I don't know what lies ahead with this book project or my life in general, but deep down, under the worries, fears and all the unknowns there is excitement - God is leading me. What better place to be?

So I'll close with Lysa's words, "Determine to delight yourself in Him, and trust Him to work out the rest."