"Who am I?" - They were going to call me Clay!!

Growing up I can recall a conversation my parents, sisters and I had about our names. If I would have been a boy, my parents planned to call me Clay Matthew. The name was in honor of two of my great-grandfathers, but as a child I remember thinking, "Clay? Really?" In my mind clay was too close to dirt and I was thankful for the name I'd received.

So now we fast forward to this past July and I'm the Mom naming my son! You guessed it, I did what I was grateful my parents didn't do - our son will forever be known as Jesse CLAY Beran!!

Daily my other two sons prove that boys have no problem with dirt, but that has nothing to do with the reason for the name.

Nearly a year ago, we found out we were expecting; honestly I was a bit surprised and if I thought too much I became a bit stressed. But God had it all in control, this was obviously part of His plan and yet another experience He was going to use to teach me.

The "Who am I?" question was on my mind back then and during one of my overwhelming moments He gave me an answer I didn't expect. One day I found myself reading Jeremiah 18 and I realized the name I never wanted was one God used to define me.

Verses 3-7 say, "So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me. He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel."

I read these words and it was as if verse 6 became real personal as I heard God whisper to my heart, "Can I not do with you, Jill, as this potter does?" I am clay in His hands and friend so are you.

This is an important answer to understand as we seek to know who we are. Accepting this truth is critical in becoming who God created us to be! As I return to the passage above, the words - "shaping it as seemed best to Him" are ones I love. These bring peace and joy.

And honestly tonight they bring tears...you see a year ago, I wasn't so sure about this being clay business. In a way I was trying to form my own pot - I had my own plans and ideas about how I thought my life would unfold. Friends I'm sorry to say that didn't include our little Jesse Clay.

I'm so thankful God knows best. I'm grateful He is patient with me. Again and again!! I'm in awe of how He works! I'm appreciative of how He continues to show me who I am!!

Though no one has ever called me, "Clay" it's comforting to know there is a potter who holds me in His hands and does what's best for me!! (Even when I don't realize it!!) And with tears, I'll add I'm blessed to know He holds my little "Clay" as well!!!