Joy (6), "Momma, 2 girls at Awana's were laughing at me." I respond, "How do you know they were laughing at you?" "They were whispering and they pointed at me. Then they said I look like a boy." Tears fall before she can finish her sentence and mine begin before I start my response. She then continues, "It hurt my feelings and made me want to cry, but I didn't want to cry in front of them."
Last night's conversation was hard and it hurt. Why? I never want to see my little ones in pain, physical or emotional. And two, this took me back, Joy was verbalizing a situation I understand all too well. I've been there and though I hate too say it, sometimes I still go there.
No, this Mom of 5 hasn't been called a boy lately, but I do put too much value on what others think and at times find my identity in what they say. Which brings me to this series and the realization that it does matter.
You see just yesterday I found myself wondering, "Why am I doing this?" Honestly, though I find myself writing posts in my head quite often, I don't have much time to sit and put them on the computer. Then when I do, I can find myself wondering, "Why? Does anyone even read this?"
I had these thoughts and then God reminded me of our conversation before the month began, I hesitated signing up for this "31 days of" group. But God convinced me to do it, not because of the 100's (or 1) who would visit my blog, but for what He had to say to me.
Last night after my little heart to heart with Joy, I was reminded I have much to learn. This series about "Who I am" is important, I need to know (and my kids do too) who I am in Christ.
Stop by tomorrow if you want, Joy and I will be digging a bit deeper and sharing what God has to say to us!!
2 comments:
Oh, Jill!!!! This is what I wrote about last night, too!!!!! About why I am even doing this! I mean, my post is not word for word the same. ;) But it was still a heart searching on the why of this. And for me, I landed at the same place. I am in NEED of Him speaking into places in my heart. I am in NEED of rooting deeper myself. I need to write this even if no one else reads a single word.
I love you. :) You and your heart for more of Him and to know who He says you are. It IS important. It is a journey I am still on, as well.
And I will be praying for your sweet girl. I think I had told you before, I am also familiar with that painful question. It was one thrown at me in my youth. Praying for both of your hearts AND PRAISING God that He gave your girl you...cause I know you are gonna help her learn how to fight the lies with His sweet truths.
MUCH LOVE,
K
Jill, I haven't been reading blogs very much lately. I've been missing this whole series. Maybe I need to go back and try to catch up. I have a lot of reading to do!! :) Thanks for sharing this story with me today in the nursery...and here on your blog. Breaks my heart, because Joy is soooo beautiful, special and loved...just like her mama!! Love you, friend!
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