Why do I write?

That is a question I have asked myself a time or two!! Especially since I have started to blog these last few months. At times I have asked myself if this is a really a priority and something God wants me to do. It seems the last 5 days have provided an answer.

I have really appreciated the positive comments left by readers and I’ll admit to being amazed when I see radio stars from Proverbs31 have visited my blog. Both wonderful things, but I now know that’s not why I write.

I realize the connection I share with and encouragement and prayers I receive from others is a real blessing. I’m so grateful for sympathy extended and similar stories others have shared as I walk thru a dark time, God’s light is shining thru you.

The answer God has really provided for the question though actually surprised me a bit. So why do I write? I write for myself. Now that might sound selfish, so let me explain…

Saturday we experienced a miscarriage and it hurts, at times it hurts bad. I can’t say that I’m angry with God and I don’t blame Him, but opportunities exist that could shake me faith. In my sadness I don’t understand and at times all I want to do is crawl in bed. I know who God is and trust He has a plan, but when I can’t comprehend the why’s and how’s occasionally His plan seems messed up.

That’s where my writing comes in – the other day as I worked to process things, I read thru some entries that led up to Saturday. Honestly my words surprised me, not because of how they were written, but because of the truth they hold. Let me share a few…

That is a constant process especially as some problems become bigger before I even see God's hand at work, but as I reflect on my life I know His solution has always been the best. That's the truth I must hold onto as life continues to unfold - He has carried me thus far and will continue to do so. I think Lysa described this philosophy real well when she said, "Take your eyes off the problem and focus on the good and loving God who has great plans for you." It's easy to get caught up in the emotions, feelings and worries that life creates, but we must keep our eyes on Him.As I walk this road of faith I know the storms will come and at times I will veer off the path, but I can't allow setbacks to affect my vision. I must constantly "keep looking up" and as our Pastor says, put the blinders on. Focus on God and God alone.

Whatever the loss, our experience will draw us closer to Him. As I let go of my plans and the things I think I control I realize it's all about Him. Experience has taught me that the less I rely on myself the better off I am. I'm sorry to say I need to be reminded of that fact all too often, but God provides and continues to show me His ways are higher than mine.

As I do that I am reminded to simply trust because He is perfect! Everything about Him - His strength, timing, plans and the peace that He provides.

So when life throws a curve ball and plans don't go the way I have drawn them up, what do I do?All too often my answer is wrong as I take things into my own hands and worry about all that I can't do. If I'd simply surrender it to God and believe, things would be better, maybe not easier, but there would be peace.So as I sat there last night in the midst of a struggle with worries about the unknown I was reminded what I needed to do - believe. God has a reason for the storms, the unexpected struggles, everything and it's not my place to figure it out. At times things don't make sense, but His word tells us - He works all things together for good.

Satan can use pain and death to distract us and make us ineffective for what God has planned.But, if we focus on God and the truths His word reveals, He has a reason for the hurts we don't often expect or even enjoy. That is to draw us closer to Himself and like Lysa said that will "never disappoint." It still hurts, but when the pain has a purpose He provides peace.As we move to chapter 15, Lysa focuses on death and how God is NOT surprised. Actually it's been part of His plan since the beginning! So why is it so difficult for me (us) to embrace something He will work through? Because it's hard and it hurts and often times my focus is on the here and now, not the eternal picture that He can see.

So though the pain doesn't always make sense and death hurts, I know there is a reason. Obviously it is never mine, human nature never wants to experience pain or loss, but God knows best. These hard times change me, help me grow, cause me to mature and draw me closer to Him!! So as Mercy Me sings, "Jesus, bring the rain," so like Casting Crowns, I can "Praise You in the storm!"

So as I said my words impressed me, don't take me wrong - that is not a boastful statement, but when I wrote these words I had no idea what the future held and how true some of my remarks would be. But God did and He has prepared me - as I read about my confidence and trust in God over the last couple of weeks, I think to myself if I praised Him then, I still have to now - He has NOT changed. He is here, holding me, drawing near to me and providing peace and comfort thru His word, my husband and children, and wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ.

So though at times my to-do list grows and there's still dust on the shelves, I'm thankful that I write and I'm grateful God has let His light shine thru my words, I just never knew I'd be the one sensing that.