Looking back...

Yesterday Lelia started a new study based on Lisa Whittle's book "Behind Those Eyes." I have yet to start the book, but have been touched by reading others thoughts on chapter one. This will be a journey. I read a few posts on Lisa's blog and came across this activity - she instructed a group of women to look at their graduation picture and write a letter to themselves. Being a reflective person, the activity appealed to me.

Though this isn't a post about chapter one, it relates to what's behind those eyes. It's amazing to look back and see who I was and think about who I lived to be. Rarely was it myself, but who I thought others wanted me to be. Here's what I came up with -

Just starting out…
It was 1994 and you didn’t know what the future would hold. Or really even who held it – yes, you knew of God, but you didn’t know Him. You had plans to enjoy the summer – babysit, play a little basketball, show sheep, talk to your roommate, spend time with HS friends, but also had fears of the unknown – you were afraid to leave home, didn’t know what you’d do with your life, and wondered if you could play college ball. You graduated with honors and had many friends; you made people think you had it together. You never got too upset, rarely showed emotion and seldom did you share deep thoughts, but you were always there to listen and at times put up with more than you needed to. You lived to please others, but deep down rarely satisfied yourself. You tried to be who everyone else thought you should be instead of being yourself.

At the time you didn’t know how important it would be to let go of…
…the worry of what others would think.
…the idea that you had to be perfect.
…the thoughts that you weren’t good enough.
…the idea that no one would love you.
…the misconception that you had to do it all.
…the feelings of inadequacy that left you depressed.
…the lie that how you look on the outside is more important than who you are on the inside.
…the regret for things you had done.
…the lie that the more others know the less they’d want to be your friend.

You also never knew how important it would be to hold onto…
…your belief in something bigger than yourself.
…your faith that was beginning to grow.
…the importance of respect and putting others before yourself.
…your desire to work hard and make an impact for good.
…your ability to listen and really be a friend.

When you just started out, you had no idea what the future would hold and now 14 years later, that is still unknown. But you are no longer who you were, you don’t look the same, you don’t think the same and you don’t feel the same. You have grown and you have changed. You realize life isn’t all about you, but know God is all about you – He cares for you, He loves you and He has plans for you. He created you for a purpose all His own and thru the years as you’ve come to know Him, He’s increased your desire to obey. He’s blessed you and gifted you and expects you to share that with others. So let go of the ways of the world and forget their view of success, but hold onto the One who will never let you go and live to glorify Him.

My prayer as the study goes on is 14 years from now when I see a picture of myself, I will see a woman who is the person God created her to be!

If you have a minute, read below about a wonderful ministry that encourages us to be the mom God created us to be and the one our children need us to be!