Friday, September 5, 2008

Teach me Your ways...

A week ago I read Lysa TerKeurst post about off-kilter days and her words spoke to me, but I had no idea her message would be so important during the off-kilter week that was yet to come. But God did and the verse she shared, Psalms 86:11, has carried me through some dark moments.

I went to bed that night sensing something wasn’t right with our pregnancy and as the night wore on, sleep became non-existent. It was then I got up and God brought the verse Lysa had shared to mind, so like her I put it to prayer. “Lord, I don’t know what is going on, but you do. I trust You know best and no matter how this unfolds, teach me Your ways.”

When morning came, maternal instincts continued to tell me something was wrong and as I read our morning devotions God started to answer my prayer and teach me His ways. We were reading from Luke 22, a passage I’ve read and heard numerous times, but as I spoke the words they took on a whole new meaning. As I said the words Jesus prayed, I felt they were my own, “Father if thou art willing, remove this cup of suffering, never the less not my will, but thy will be done.” I choked up, paused and knew it was true – my life was about His will, not mine. The thought of a miscarriage was hard and I wanted more than anything to know our baby was all right, but still I knew God was in control. I never felt more connected to Jesus experience ever in my life and like Him, I didn’t want to walk the path it seemed God was setting in front of me, but like Christ, I had to submit. So August 30, God started teaching me His ways.

And as the visit to the Dr.’s office confirmed what my mother’s intuition already knew, the lessons continued. I walked away with tears in my eyes, pain in my heart and loss in my life, but at the same time I had a new appreciation for life and the 3 children God has blessed me with. Children truly are a gift from God.

This little life that lasted six and a half short weeks continues to teach me more than I ever imagined. Our little “J” reminds me that this life is a vapor, literally here today and gone tomorrow.

As I struggle with the loss of my child, I have a new appreciation for my faith. Romans 5:3-5 has been one of my favorite passages, but my focus has always been on the beginning. Now the end carries a new significance. Paul tells us that hope does not disappoint and that is so true. Though I cry, I don’t understand and I hurt, I still have peace because I know who God is and I’m comforted with the fact that my little one is in His arms now.

Another lesson I have learned deals with the cross. After losing a child of my own, I have a better understanding of the depth of God’s love – For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son… The pain I feel is unexplainable, but God chose to do this because He loved me and you.

I’ve also been overwhelmed by the strength of fellow believers. I have been blessed with kind words, hugs and prayers, which brings new meaning to we are the body. God didn’t create us to walk alone and in the dark times I understand why.

In my struggle I’ve also been touched by God’s strength. As I spoke with someone just hours after this had happened I was able to comfort them, something the other person did not understand. But I did, I knew the strength was not my own, but the Holy Spirit working thru me just like 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 says.

Finally in a week that God has been teaching me His ways, I understand the verse in Proverbs to be true – His ways are not my ways. I would never choose to walk this road, but He has and I know He’s been with me every step of the way. His word tells me that He has a plan for me and He works all things together for good, so as the journey continues I will always pray, “Lord, teach me your ways.”
"Teach Me Your Ways"
Lord, when I’m hurt
And just don’t understand –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m sad
And just want to cry –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m confused
And tempted to give up –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m put down
And not sure I want to go on –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m angry
And on the verge of losing control –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m recognized
And receive praise that is Yours –
Teach me Your ways.

Lord, today and always
Thru the good and bad –
Teach me Your ways.

4 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your comfort through pain and your heart's desire for God's will above all. That is a difficult decision to make and a narrow path to travel. But God can bring great growth, faith and a renewed strength through our painful experiences. His teaching will impact all that we do and will mark our hearts forever.

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  2. I am sending you a big blog hug!! I love the "poem" at the end-I am recording it and carrying it in my Bible-very good. Thanks!

    In His Graces~Pamela

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  3. What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing.
    Jen

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  4. Isn't it amazing how some of life's most painful experiences teach us the most and result in blessings we never ever would have experienced? What a beautiful post and poem/prayer. Thank you for sharing your heart and leading us back to God's Word. I'm glad I popped over from Lysa T's blog today. Praying God's sweet and abundant blessings upon you! Amy in OR

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