Friday, September 5, 2008

Teach me Your ways...

A week ago I read Lysa TerKeurst post about off-kilter days and her words spoke to me, but I had no idea her message would be so important during the off-kilter week that was yet to come. But God did and the verse she shared, Psalms 86:11, has carried me through some dark moments.

I went to bed that night sensing something wasn’t right with our pregnancy and as the night wore on, sleep became non-existent. It was then I got up and God brought the verse Lysa had shared to mind, so like her I put it to prayer. “Lord, I don’t know what is going on, but you do. I trust You know best and no matter how this unfolds, teach me Your ways.”

When morning came, maternal instincts continued to tell me something was wrong and as I read our morning devotions God started to answer my prayer and teach me His ways. We were reading from Luke 22, a passage I’ve read and heard numerous times, but as I spoke the words they took on a whole new meaning. As I said the words Jesus prayed, I felt they were my own, “Father if thou art willing, remove this cup of suffering, never the less not my will, but thy will be done.” I choked up, paused and knew it was true – my life was about His will, not mine. The thought of a miscarriage was hard and I wanted more than anything to know our baby was all right, but still I knew God was in control. I never felt more connected to Jesus experience ever in my life and like Him, I didn’t want to walk the path it seemed God was setting in front of me, but like Christ, I had to submit. So August 30, God started teaching me His ways.

And as the visit to the Dr.’s office confirmed what my mother’s intuition already knew, the lessons continued. I walked away with tears in my eyes, pain in my heart and loss in my life, but at the same time I had a new appreciation for life and the 3 children God has blessed me with. Children truly are a gift from God.

This little life that lasted six and a half short weeks continues to teach me more than I ever imagined. Our little “J” reminds me that this life is a vapor, literally here today and gone tomorrow.

As I struggle with the loss of my child, I have a new appreciation for my faith. Romans 5:3-5 has been one of my favorite passages, but my focus has always been on the beginning. Now the end carries a new significance. Paul tells us that hope does not disappoint and that is so true. Though I cry, I don’t understand and I hurt, I still have peace because I know who God is and I’m comforted with the fact that my little one is in His arms now.

Another lesson I have learned deals with the cross. After losing a child of my own, I have a better understanding of the depth of God’s love – For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son… The pain I feel is unexplainable, but God chose to do this because He loved me and you.

I’ve also been overwhelmed by the strength of fellow believers. I have been blessed with kind words, hugs and prayers, which brings new meaning to we are the body. God didn’t create us to walk alone and in the dark times I understand why.

In my struggle I’ve also been touched by God’s strength. As I spoke with someone just hours after this had happened I was able to comfort them, something the other person did not understand. But I did, I knew the strength was not my own, but the Holy Spirit working thru me just like 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 says.

Finally in a week that God has been teaching me His ways, I understand the verse in Proverbs to be true – His ways are not my ways. I would never choose to walk this road, but He has and I know He’s been with me every step of the way. His word tells me that He has a plan for me and He works all things together for good, so as the journey continues I will always pray, “Lord, teach me your ways.”
"Teach Me Your Ways"
Lord, when I’m hurt
And just don’t understand –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m sad
And just want to cry –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m confused
And tempted to give up –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m put down
And not sure I want to go on –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m angry
And on the verge of losing control –
Teach me Your ways.

When I’m recognized
And receive praise that is Yours –
Teach me Your ways.

Lord, today and always
Thru the good and bad –
Teach me Your ways.


  1. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your comfort through pain and your heart's desire for God's will above all. That is a difficult decision to make and a narrow path to travel. But God can bring great growth, faith and a renewed strength through our painful experiences. His teaching will impact all that we do and will mark our hearts forever.

  2. I am sending you a big blog hug!! I love the "poem" at the end-I am recording it and carrying it in my Bible-very good. Thanks!

    In His Graces~Pamela

  3. What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing.

  4. Isn't it amazing how some of life's most painful experiences teach us the most and result in blessings we never ever would have experienced? What a beautiful post and poem/prayer. Thank you for sharing your heart and leading us back to God's Word. I'm glad I popped over from Lysa T's blog today. Praying God's sweet and abundant blessings upon you! Amy in OR