Saturday, August 30, 2008

The wait is over...

It seems there is no name for the title of this post - one I'm not even sure how to write. The past 2 and a half weeks have been full of emotion, ups and downs and plenty of waiting. But today the answer came.

I was looking for an answer, but not the one I received. Yet I know I must trust the One who gave it to me. You see just over 2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. The unexpected news created overwhelming feelings, but also joy.

The fact that things were so different than my previous 3 pregnancies though created the questions. Initially they ruled out a tubular pregnancy and a few days later blood tests showed the pregnancy was going in the right direction.

The news should have provided reassurance, but yet things were different. This past week I wondered why I wasn't sick, tired or feeling pregnant. I tried to figure it out all too often, but now it doesn't matter.

At six and a half weeks, we've lost our little "J" and the questions continue and emotions roll. I don't understand, but I trust, what else can I do? Just yesterday I read Lysa TerKeurst talk about Psalms 86:11 - "Teach me your ways, Lord" and I believe though the lesson hurts, He will teach. After all He has lost a child too.

So as thoughts of this child I barely knew linger in my mind, the what if's do too. I'm reminded of a poem I wrote for a friend not even a month ago, who had lost a child. I never knew I'd understand the words so well.


"Never"
I never saw your face
and I never knew your name.
I never held you in my arms,
but you'll never leave my heart.

I never saw the dreams unfold
and I never saw your smile.
I never taught you about life,
but I'll never lose the lessons I have learned.

I never said hello
and I'll never say good-bye.
I never met you here,
but I'll always be with you in heaven.

4 comments:

  1. Oh Jill,

    Your poem is beautiful. I am so touched that God used my simple words to touch you and lead you to His comfort.

    Praying for you right now sister.

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  2. Hi Jill,

    I saw your comment on Lysa's blog and just wanted to come over to give you a hug and say how very sorry I am about your baby.

    I am praying peace and comfort for you and your family.

    Love,
    Sandy Cooper
    www.godspeakstoday.blogspot.com

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  3. Jill:

    Your poem is indeed beautiful.

    I am so so sorry. I pray God's peace and all-encompassing love for you and your family.

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  4. Jill, I am so sad and so sorry. I pray that God's peace will encompass you and His tender love will comfort you today and in the days ahead. The reflection of your heart in your poem for to your precious little one is beautiful.

    Praying for you this morning.

    Renee

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