Gone, but not forgotten...

Yesterday marked the 15th anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing, a day many lost their lives and thousands of others lost their loved ones. These individuals are gone, but they are not forgotten.

But April 19th marked the anniversary of another loss for me - it’s the day we should have been celebrating the 1st birthday of our little one. A child we lost to miscarriage, a face we never saw, but a life we loved and at times still miss.

Yesterday as thoughts went to what might have been my mind wondered - would she be walking? Would she look like Joy or Jaylyn? How would J.D. feel about having 3 little sisters?

Then Jed’s cry interrupted my thoughts and a whole new series of questions stirred in my mind - what would we do without him?

I don’t understand all of God’s ways, but I trust Him. He really does give and take away. He comforts and strengthens. He helps me let go, but doesn’t cause me to forget. He leads and I follow. He loves, so I do too.

Daily I love my children, but today I’m reminded of my love for one of them in particular - the little lady I refer to as Jenae Hope. She’s played a big part in my past, the last few days she’s really been on my mind in the present and because of God’s grace I know she’ll forever be in my future.

Happy Birthday Honey!

"Reflection"

He is my son,
so sometimes
I think about
the things he has done,
the words he has said
and the choices he has made.

I wonder,
"What does that
say about me?"

Then I remember
I am His daughter,
so I think about
the things I have done,
the words I have said
and the choices I have made.

I wonder,
"What does that
say about God?"

In Control

Do you ever struggle with the need to be in control? This thought crossed my mind the other night when I was up with my almost 6 month old and then joined by our 3 year old. Lately it seems sleep has been hard to come by and that night when I was being beckoned from bed I honestly didn't want to get up. I just wanted to sleep and seriously thought if I could just control one thing I'd chose to have the power to set the sleep patterns in our house!!

Since God didn't hand me the reins, I got up with my little man and was soon joined by my princess Peanut. As I met their needs in the early hours of the day, God met mine. This idea of control or better yet my lack of it really had me.

For the longest time I didn't think I was one who struggled with being in control, but I've realized I was wrong. I think as Moms we, or at least I, like to think we have a little power over situations, but really our children are each unique individuals with the desire and drive to do what they want to do. Granted I can shape, guide and influence them, but in the end I am not in control...of the good or the bad...of whether they sleep all night or don't. I realize this issue of control will appear quite minimal when the teenage years hit but that's another post for another day!!

So back to how God met my needs - that night as I let go of my desire to sleep, God showed me I do have some control - perhaps it's not the control I want, but it is the control I have been given. I have no control of the circumstances that happen, but I am in control of my reaction to them.

I could sit there with a bad attitude and a grumbling heart or enjoy this time with my little ones who won't spend the 2 AM hour with me forever. I could spend my time thinking about how tired I was or appreciate the only quiet time our house has to offer. I could grumble about my husband sleeping all night or be thankful he'd be refreshed for the work tomorrow would bring. As my pastor says, "My response is my responsibility!" This is something I can control!! Easy? No! Necessary? Yes!

That night I chose to be in control and use my power the right way - I took responsibility and thus am thankful for my response. I snuggled with my little ones and took time to pray and as I did this idea of control went a step further.

In my quiet time God brought Micca Campbell to mind. I had the privilege of being part of her group during last years She Speaks conference and appreciate her heart for God and His girls. At the time she was waiting for surgery on an ovarian cyst that was possibly cancerous. I took some time to lift this sweet sister in prayer and as I did God showed me my lack of control in the sleep department really is quite minimal.

Losing an hour of shut eye really doesn't compare with the reality of facing cancer, but yet both situations remind me, all of us, we are not in control. Well at least in regards to the plans God has for us, but He has given us some control - that of our reaction. I couldn't change the fact that my sleep was interrupted and Micca couldn't avoid the surgery and possible outcomes, but our response was each of our responsibility.

Again my days on the basketball court come to mind - many times life too boils down to our attitude! Back then I couldn't control the opponent's size, speed or game plan, but I was in control of my work ethic, dedication and determination. The same is true in life - we have no idea what it will hand us, it is out of our control, but the way I react is completely up to me! And you!!

I'm thankful to say Micca's response was amazing, I'll quote her words, "I want to make God look good!!" She did and He made Himself look good - she is cancer free!! Praise the Lord! As for me the night folllowing the intro of this post everyone slept for at least 8 hours!! Obviously I haven't passed the test yet though as little Jed was up by midnight last night!!

I know someday he will sleep all night, but I know the lessons will continue and I'll constantly be reminded of all I don't control and given opportunities to make God look good by making the most of the control I have been given.

Regardless of what you're facing today though it all may seem out of your hands, remember your response is your responsibility! Rather than wishing for control of what's not yours, make the most of what is!

In then through...

Awhile back I had this thought and recently it came back to me, so I thought I'd share it with you - have you ever thought about how you can't walk through a room until you are in a room? Perhaps not, but take a minute and think about the truth in that statement.

The same thing can be said about traveling - as we journey down the road, we can't get from point A to point C without going through point B. Before we can go through point B we actually have to be in point B. And maybe point B is a big city that we'd rather avoid, one that maybe even scares us a bit. If we want to reach our destination we must enter the city, look at the map, navigate the traffic and eventually we will make it through.

I've been thinking lately how God works in similar ways - He's not going to work through me until He first works IN me. Sometimes that involves difficult situations and events that are hard to understand, but yet it's IN these things that He strengthens me and draws me closer to Him. And once we've walked through the situation I can look back and see His hand at work and He can work through me and use His daughter for His work.

So what room or city are you IN? Remember God has you there for a reason, one that will bring results - don't forget God is working IN you to prepare you for the moment he will work THROUGH you!!

"I want that!"

Recently a friend was sharing her son’s reaction to a snowmobile that was being raffled - the instant he saw it, little Carter said, “Mom, I want that!!” In her mind she thought so does every other kid in the county, but went on to buy a ticket anyway. As I write this post I can relate to both Carter and his mom, you see Lysa TerKeurst is giving away 3 scholarships to She Speaks this summer and in order to enter there’s no ticket to buy instead she’s asking for your thoughts via a blog post.

This was a contest I almost didn’t enter for a few different reasons - the first one being my husband’s fishing trip also scheduled for July 30 - August 1, but he has assured me “if you win don’t you think we could work around that?” And second I can relate to my friend and hear myself saying, “every other blogger in the country wants to win!” But the biggest hurdle I’ve had to jump as I finally sit down to write is I’m not so sure this is something I want.

Let me explain…in order to begin here’s a little info on She Speaks - this is an annual conference put on by Proverbs 31 for writers, speakers and ministry leaders. And the event is amazing! I had the privilege of attending last year and I was truly blessed!! (Read part of that story here.)I left thinking it should be called He Speaks instead because God’s presence was powerful and His voice was loud!! I was encouraged and challenged. I was built up and given ways to improve. But mostly I was reminded of who I am in Christ and blessed by some wonderful friendships with sisters in Christ.

So with that said you may be wondering, why wouldn’t I want to win? And as I ponder you asking the question, I am asking it myself. The part of me that is prone to doubt and feel unworthy says this won’t happen anyway and if it does I don’t deserve it. Then there is the bit of me that prefers to stay where I’m at and can fear leaving my comfort zone and this part knows She Speaks is not simply a 3 day event. No, God strengthened me and matured me a year ago, which has led me to places I never expected and stretched me in ways that haven’t all been easy.

Finally, as I sit here now and ask this question I’m reminded of a conversation I had in my mind over a year ago when I contemplated my first She Speaks conference. At the time God had really put it on my heart and I sensed His leading to go, but as registration neared circumstances began to change. The friend I thought I’d travel with had another trip the same weekend and I found out I’d be 10 weeks from delivering our 4th child when I'd be taking my 1st plane ride by myself.

It all didn’t make sense and I remember asking myself, “Why? Why do you think you should go? Does this really make sense?” I mean here I was a farmer’s wife with 3 little ones who rarely traveled by car let alone a plane. Then thoughts shifted from the simple idea of leaving to really thinking about where it was I’d be going - a conference for speakers, writers and ministry leaders. Granted I was a MOPS coordinator, who was in the process of publishing a book and led our women’s Sunday School class, but still I wondered, "what does this mean? Where will this lead?" As possible answers rolled through my mind, I thought, “is that what I want?” And as a girl who preferred to live behind the scenes rather than on the stage, my answer was “NO!”

But God quickly reminded me, it’s not about what I want. He was calling me to She Speaks and though I was afraid, nervous and full of doubt He provided, He strengthened and He spoke. Last year as the conference came to a close I was amazed at how my thoughts had changed in 3 short days, I left wanting to register for She Speaks 2010.

I had been so touched by the entire event - the speakers, the other attendees, the prayer room, the whole experience. I knew I wanted that again, but lately my thoughts have been different - is this what God wants? I know that’s the clearest truth God spoke to my heart during my time in North Carolina - speaking, writing, ministry, my life, nothing has anything to do with what I want, it’s about what God does!

This leads me to the contest and back to my conversation from a year ago - though once again, I don’t want to leave my husband and 4 kids, I don’t want to step out of my comfort zone, I don’t want to deal with the pain that inevitably comes with growing my faith, but still I know if it’s what God wants, I will. Like Carter, my friend’s little boy, I’m beginning to hear myself say, “I want that!!” Only my words aren’t about a snowmobile and really not even winning a contest or attending a conference, no my desire is to truly want God’s will for my life. And maybe, just maybe that involves a trip to North Carolina again this summer…

How about you? Maybe you are the one God has already chosen as the winner for Lysa’s contest, but you haven’t entered yet! To do so click here and to find more information on She Speaks, click here!

Feed my Sheep

We are back in the sheep business, Grandpa brought 3 orphan lambs over for the kids this past Monday and they are excited. Me, on the other hand, well, not as much. Though I grew up enjoying the soft little animal, the last few days these innocent lambs will have become one more thing to do on my list.

So this morning as it’s early and raining, the idea of heading out through the mud to feed my sheep didn’t sound like fun. Before I made it that far, my husband started the day in typical fashion with an “I love you.” Then I changed things up a bit and simply asked, “You do?” He quickly responds, “Yes.” So then like Jesus challenged Peter I say, “Then feed my lambs.” (John 21:15-19) Job caught on to what I was up to and assured me I was the “sheep farmer.”

I mixed up the milk and headed outdoors wondering if maybe this would be the feeding when our little rebellious lamb would want to eat. For some reason, Fuzzy has not adapted to change and has rejected every one of our attempts to feed him. This time he came up to the gate and even sniffed the bottle, but that’s where his interest stopped. As the others eagerly and aggressively took their bottle, I appreciated their compliance and liked them better than the rebel who created more work and was a potential heartache for my little ones.

As I thought about this, God spoke to me in the sheep barn - it’s not always easy feeding the sheep. Just like Jesus asked Peter to demonstrate his love for his Savior, he does the same for me and you. You may never have the opportunity to literally feed some lambs (count your blessings!!), but in the spiritual sense we are all sheep and God has put some on your path to nurture and care for.

My experience this morning reminded me that though it is humbling to serve the Lord and glorify Him - the position doesn’t come without work. There will be days we don’t want to get out of bed and do the jobs that aren’t real fun or come at a bad time. In life there will also be rebels - those who want nothing to do with what we have to offer, others who run away after hearing what we have to say, some who tease us and act as they are interested only to turn away in the end. My little rebel this morning reminded me of the old saying, “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.” The same idea is true as we feed God’s lambs - we can do our part, but then must trust Him to do the rest.

Another thought I had as I wrestled (almost literally) with “Fuzzy” was the idea that though each individual is unique, we are all created in God’s image. Though some lambs I’m called to feed will be compliant and easy to work with that does not make them any better or more valuable than the “rebels” who cross my path. Each and every person is precious to God, and should be to me as well!

Now as I bring this post to an end, it has a new twist - my dad stopped by with a replacement lamb for the kids - he didn’t want us to have any trouble. So he’s taken “Fuzzy” and left us with a new lamb yet to be named. This unexpected event has put another picture in my mind - I know my dad didn’t want to see my kids suffer through losing a lamb, but I also know he is a “shepherd” who cares about his sheep. Friends, God is the same - He cares about you and His lambs you are called to feed. If there is a rebel, a problem child, someone you are struggling to reach, trust the Good Shepherd, He cares more about that individual than you!!

So let me ask you, “Do you love the Lord?” If so, “Feed His Sheep!!”

"Living with Less so your Family has More"

Today I'd like to welcome Jill and Mark Savage. Jill and Mark's newest book Living with Less so your Family has More just released and I've invited them to share a little bit about this great resource!


Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.

We have been married for 27 years…17 of them happily. After finding ourselves in a marriage counselor’s office around year 8 or so, we realized that we really didn’t know how to be married. We worked hard to turn things around and now we like to share that hope with other couples.

We have five children ranging from 13 to 25. Our oldest three are married. Anne (25) and her husband, Matt, live in Zion, IL, and are expecting our first grandchild in April. (We are very excited!) Evan (22) and his wife, Julie, have been married a year and a half and they live just a few miles from us. Erica (19) married her husband Kendall last September. They live in Augusta, GA, and wherever else the Army takes them.

We have two teenagers still at home. Kolya just turned 16. He’s learning to drive and we’ve nearly worn a hole in the carpet on the floor in the passenger seat trying to find that non-existent brake pedal. Kolya is the newest member of the Savage family. We adopted him at the age of nine from Russia.

Austin is 13 and in the 8th grade. He wants us to make sure and tell the world that this “living with less” life is a real bummer because he’s the ONLY kid in 8th grade who doesn’t have a cell phone.

Tell us about your newest book Living With Less So Your Family Has More?

The world screams the message that bigger is always better, but we have found that is not often true. When it comes to raising a family, less materially can actually result in more relationally. Children don’t need the best houses, the best lessons, the best cars, or the best clothes. What they really need is the best home life and the best family relationships we can give them.

Why did you want to write this book?

We didn’t start out with the “less is more” mindset. We started as a double income family wanting to have the “best” of everything. Then Mark decided to pursue ministry. We went from the “high life” to the “frugal life” very quickly as we moved to another state for him to go to Bible College full-time.

That experience introduced us to the concept that less is more. We definitely had less money, but we had more time. We had less stress and more peace. We had less activities and more fun.

Since that experience, we’ve continued to live primarily on one income for the past twenty years. We’ve had to battle cultural peer pressure and make different decisions for our family than many other families in our neighborhood have made. But we’ve never felt that we were materially depriving ourselves or our kids…instead we’ve focused on what we’ve actually been able to provide for them emotionally and relationally.

What do you hope your readers will gain from this book?

We hope the reader is encouraged to evaluate how they are living their life, spending their money, and thinking about family matters. Our goal is to introduce families to the “less is more” concept and then equip them with the attitudes and actions to actually make that happen.

For families that are already committed to less is more, we hope to bolster their resolve and help them stay focused on the long-term goal of providing relationally for their kids.

In today’s economy, there are many families being forced to live with less. We want to help them see the opportunity they have with this unexpected downsizing they’ve been forced to do.

And for those who have just been a little discontent with their life and saying things like, “I’m tired of the rat race of life,” or “Is there more to life than drive-thru meals for dinner?” we hope to help them see other choices they have and how they can lead their family in a different direction.

What unique elements will the reader find in Living With Less So Your Family Has More?

For couples who want to read the book together, we’ve included discussion questions at the end of every chapter. This helps move the readers to discussion and eventually actions. Even a single parent can use the discussion questions for personal evaluation.

Readers will find this book a practical guide to changing your attitude and your actions to live a successful “less is more” life. They’ll find our writing style to be a warm, casual, honest discussion where we not only share our victories but our mistakes along the way. We are an average couple living successfully on an average income who want to help others to see the possibilities before them.

This is a Hearts at Home book. What is Hearts at Home?

Hearts at Home is an organization that encourages, educates, and equips women in the profession of motherhood. Hearts at Home encourages moms through annual conferences, our extensive website (www.hearts-at-home.org), a free electronic newsletter, a radio program, and an entire line of books designed to meet the needs of moms all over the world!

Any closing thoughts?

It’s healthy for parents to occasionally pause and evaluate their vision for their family and the choices they are making. We hope this resource will help them do that together and that it will lead them to live a life of little regret.