I came across the word - HUMILITY and was reminded this type of thinking was not humility. There was a time in my life when I considered my insecurity a form of humility, but I've learned that is not the case. Friend, we can be prideful in a quiet, dangerous way. Insecurity is a form of selfishness and that is never a type of humility!
So in that moment, I was reminded to let go of my insecurities and tune out the lies I was listening to so that I could humble myself before God. As I did this, He led me to believe His thoughts more than my own. He reminded me I was created for a purpose, I have a voice that matters and He was in control.
Then He lead me into a situation I never expected and had left me anxious, but as I surrendered my will and trusted His plan (and listened to my husband's encouraging words) He filled me with peace. I was in a place where I couldn't do it, but looking back I know that is exactly where I needed to be because then God can!!
God did what He needed to do and showed me this "situation" was about so much more than it outwardly seemed...I trust God spoke through me, but more than that He spoke to me. He showed me I still struggle with insecurity and truly living as the one He created me to be. For the last 5 years, He's led me on a journey to discover who I am and has put it on my heart to share the story.
I have a book proposal, two notebooks full of scripture and stories, but I also have a heart overflowing with doubts. I've told myself, "There are plenty of books on this topic...mine isn't needed. I don't have time. I don't have the skill. I don't have the platform." The reasons are endless and they do explain why I haven't written, but as I humbly sat with this before God I was reminded they don't excuse my disobedience.
If I want to live as a humble servant of Christ, I need to do what He asks. Even when it doesn't make sense. Even when nobody else knows. Even when it seems impossible. Friend, humility is at the core of Christianity and it is essential if we want to live in obedience. Not just when it comes to writing a book or Bible study, but especially as we live our lives!!
The day following this heart to heart with God I received a new book and I did what I always do...read the acknowledgements and then turn to the last few pages. On the final page I read this, "Jill, humble yourself so that..." and the tears started to fall. The word I'd scribbled on my sermon outline was now cemented on my heart.
A new entry was made in my journal and God kept speaking to my heart through His Word. Perhaps He has something to say to you -
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4
For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 14:11
In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,“God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5-6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 1 Peter 5:6
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2
Friend, I'm not sure if HUMILITY needs to be your word this week, but let me encourage you to consider thinking about it. Insert your name in this blank "_____________, humble yourself so that..." Pray about this and God will give you plenty of opportunities to live it out!! And if you've mastered this, I invite you to pray for me!! Thank you friend! It's a joy to humbly walk through life with you!!
"If you are humble, nothing will touch you,
neither praise nor disgrace,
because you know what you are."