Friday, April 19, 2013

"Remembering"

Remembering, the act of recalling or thinking again, is something I've done on April 19th for the last 18 years. Back on this day in 1995, I had reconstructive knee surgery and while in the recovery room I learned of the Oklahoma City bombing. (This may or may not have confused me!) These events still come to mind every year when this day rolls around, but the date stands out for another reason.

Four years ago, back in 2009, this was our due date for a baby we lost early in the pregnancy. I can still remember my first Dr.'s appointment when he gave me our due date...instantly my mind thought, April 19th...now something good can happen on that day. Only a few weeks passed and I realized the day that marked the end of basketball like I knew it would take on a whole new meaning. Now it reminded me of a birthday we thought we'd celebrate but never have, a baby we wanted to hold but never did.

Friend, for the last 3 years this remembering has been hard and honestly it has brought tears. I've asked questions, wondered why and grieved the little one we never knew. I've thought about what she would look like, what she would like to do and how much I'd love her. I've realized our family would be different and I'm grateful for the two little boys God's given since she was taken away.

Today, the day we once expected to be full of fun, laughter and cake, I remember. I remember what I thought this day would be, but I find myself doing more...I'm thinking again about what God has done.

He carried me through a time when there were moments I wasn't sure I'd survive.

He provided comfort in His Word and through His people.

He's blessed me with 5 little ones who call me "Mom"!

He's listened to my cries for help and answered many prayers.

He's been present thru the good and the bad; He's calmed the storms...and my heart.

He's reminded me of His love and powerful plan.

He's increased my faith and proved His faithfulness.

Today I remember...I remember our little one with tears once again. But this time it's not just tears of loss, pain and sadness; this time there are tears of gratefulness as I recall a Father who's also lost a child, one He sent for me, joy as I think about the hope of heaven and appreciation for my God, the One who works all things together for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

And may I ask, "What do you remember today?"

2 comments:

  1. You are amazing at remembering dates. I'm not. But I will never forget your loss...or mine, and our "celebration of life and sisterhood". God is so good all the time! I'm so thankful that we can trust Him even when we don't understand and that His promises prove true! (Psalm 18:30) Also so thankful for opportunites to remember to His faithfulness through all of life's ups and downs.

    Love to you!

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  2. Remembering...it truly does stir our hearts. I am so glad you are at a place where remembering His faithfulness is able to bring joy even in the midst of painful memories.

    Love you, friend!

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