Sunday, August 19, 2012

I'm a...

How would you complete the above statement? I asked some friends and there were numerous responses...many that did not surprise me. I heard, "I'm a Mom, friend, daughter, disciple, sinner, writer, coach, teacher, wife..." There were many roles shared that I play, but I'll be honest the last couple of days the word that best completes the statement for me is: MESS!

It's true, I am a MESS!

Does that surprise you? I am afraid it might and that's not a good thing. But I know I'm one who's quick with the "I'm fine" response and I often find myself saying "things are going pretty good."

That's true - my family is healthy, my marriage is a healthy work in progress and we have a home where there's plenty to eat. So on one hand things are good, but on the other hand I'm not always good and my life's not perfect. Let me just give you a glimpse -

A week ago, God showed me HE is so very faithful! He truly does more than we could ever ask or imagine. I was honestly overwhelmed by His goodness and power. But 7 days later, I found myself doubting...initially I was doubting myself; but I realize if it's God who works thru me, really that means I'm doubting Him.

Isn't that nice...someone who calls herself a Christian, one who saw God work powerfully just days ago doubts God? It's true, I am a MESS!

In case you need more evidence...last weekend God stirred up much in my heart, challenged me and confirmed some things. I was encouraged and renewed. A couple of days passed and at times I found myself discouraged thinking about all that was on my plate. I realize I can't do it all, but that tempts me to do N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

Lovely...the girl who encourages others and reminds them that "with God all things are possible" doesn't always believe that promise is for her as well. Obviously I am a MESS!

Then finally...just the other day I read an interview with Lisa Whittle in which she responded to a survey of Christian women...many who are FINE just like me. And perhaps like you. As I read, I was disappointed.

Guess what these women said was their number 0ne sin? Disorganization...really? Granted I struggle with that, but what about selfishness, laziness, pride, doubt? I had a quick little conversation with God - shared some thoughts and asked some questions. One in particular, "God when are women going to own their stuff?" And He simply whispered back, "It could start with you."

Well, let's just say if I wasn't already feeling like a bit of MESS...this would have taken me there. Like I said the survey results had left me disappointed and though I wasn't one who took the survey...I was one of them.

At times I hide behind the mask, I play the "I'm fine" game and pretend like all is well. When really I am a mess! Honestly walking in faith isn't always easy...though us Christians sometimes do a good job of making it look that way. Following Christ doesn't come natural and accepting Him does not make our mess go away.

So why do we pretend it does? I really don't know. But I'm going to borrow a line from Lisa, "I'm so over that." She shared that with us at the retreat and I know she meant it with all her heart, so now I share it with you and pray God will help me live in a way that proves I mean it as well.

How about you? Are you over it? Did the survey results bother you? (Read more HERE!) If so what are you going to do about? Remember, if we want others to own their stuff, we better own ours first!


  1. Praising God for how He has turned your MESS into a MESSAGE! Thank you for being transparent, Sister...we all could give an extra dose of that ourselves, myself first in line.

    1. Thanks for your encouraging words Teske! You remind me why we need to own our mess! God does have a message in it!

  2. Great post, Jill!

    That's the truth that keeps hitting me from Lisa's first message: I'm a mess. The truth is, we're all a mess...and that's why we're so desperate for Him (whether we realize it or not)!

    Good thing we love and serve a God who is full of grace! Extend some of that grace to yourself. Just so you know, I was just telling myself the same thing. :)

    Love You, Friend!!

    1. Thanks Rachel...yes, I am so, so grateful for God's grace! I need it daily! Love you too, Jill

  3. I'm right with you, Jill! In fact, I felt like you were describing me. I'm sure I'll continue to be a mess, but with God's grace, I can daily move one step closer to being less of one. Thanks for the wonderful thoughts.

    1. Julie, it's always good to know I'm not alone! It is a journey isn't it...thankful for every step He has had me take! I know He's working thru all of this to help me do just that! Praying He'll keep doing the same for you as well!

  4. :) So funny. When I spoke at my church the other week, I was telling them why I was qualified to speak to them - not because I am a nationally known speaker, not because I have been to Bible School (at least, no further than Vacation Bible School)...but because I am a mess. A mess who needs a Messiah.

    And I am. Such a mess. Right before I read your post, I was wrestling with one of my big struggles. Jealousy. Yuck. I hate to even type that out. And thankfully, He helps me to recognize it for what it is so I can deal with it for what it is - sin. And a lie - the lie that He somehow isn't enough or doesn't take good enough care of me are really right there at the root of jealousy. Again...yuck.

    We do need to be honest with ourselves and honest before God. I am a mess. A mess in desperate need of her Messiah. Oh, and I am also pretty disorganized. ;)

    Love you!

    1. (that last part makes me a mess living in a mess. LOL)