Not long ago, my husband and I were visiting with some young adults - individuals I had once coached, when I caught myself playing the comparison game. These girls were everything I never was, and never will be, and as our conversation took place I found myself wondering what do they think of me?? Thankfully God reminded me that it really didn't matter and I enjoyed our quick visit.
But in the days that have followed God has brought this back to mind a few times and in doing so has reminded me of a poem I wrote years ago. It was from my days in junior high when I idolized the varsity basketball girls and looked to them as my "hero." The lines He quickly brought to mind were -
"I admire you, but yet I'm afraid,
No, not of you,
but what you might think of me."
Thankfully I've moved past the admiration and idolization of people, but this recent experience reveals what I am still afraid of...it's not the fear of death, public speaking or heights, it's the fear of what others think of me.
Let me ask you, "What are you afraid of?" Have you ever struggled with this one? If so, how do you move past it?
Obviously this fear is still part of my life, but I have taken steps in the right direction. Honestly there was a time I buried everything for this exact reason...I didn't want people thinking I was weak, afraid, had failed. Crazy thing is, is that's the truth - I am weak, at times I'm afraid and obviously I have failed.
I can try to hide this from others, but there is still one who sees it all and loves me anyway!! God knows everything about me and that doesn't change the way He thinks about me!!
That alone should motivate me to push past the newest way this fear impacts my life. At times when I feel like I should share my faith or speak up for Christ, my mind reverts to the lines in this poem and I fear what others will think of me. I hear myself wonder things like, "Will they think I'm a Jesus freak? Do they think I'm a bit out there?" If you suffer from this fear yourself you know the lines I'm talking about.
The next time this situation takes place I pray God will remind me of the new line He has put on my heart, "I love them and you do too, so don't be afraid, say what you need to say and remember what I think of you!!!"