Friday, July 24, 2009

Before I pack...

In a week I will be in North Carolina for the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference. I am excited, overwhelmed and a bit nervous. But thankfully in the past few days in place of some of the fear God has provided peace.

Today I had some time set aside in which I intended to focus on some prep work for when I will be gone. Now as that time has faded, I realize nothing I envisioned accomplishing has been crossed off my list. That could be a reason for panic and frustration, but God had plans so much bigger and better than mine. He was doing prep work I didn't even realize needed to be done.

He has shown me before I pack I have more to do than the simple things that made my list. Before I can pack my bags to go, I need to set down the ones I've been carrying.

So you're not confused, I haven't just returned from a trip. In the last 7 years I've rarely left the state! So you ask what am I talking about? It's the baggage I carry around from my past and misconceptions about who I am. It's the stuff that weighs me down and keeps me from seeing myself the way God does.

Now in the past 6 months God has helped me lighten the load a bit as He's helped me become more secure in Him. He's shined His light in the bag I carry and revealed things I didn't even know were there. I'm trusting Him more and living to please others less. I'm beginning to realize He doesn't compare me to anyone else, so I shouldn't either.

Even yesterday I was visiting with a friend and she shared how she sensed I was more at peace. I agreed and driving home reflected on how God has moved me from there to here - what a blessing to see Him take my pain and replace it with His peace.

But this morning after a long talk with my husband, I realized I wasn't allowing God to work in all areas. I was still holding on to some things - mistakes God had forgiven and others had too, but yet I had not.

And as the day has continued, this precious on-going conversation with God has as well. He has reminded me His blood covers it all and I can't continue to beat myself up over things He has forgotten and I can't let mistakes I've made define who I am - His daughter, one He loves and has a purpose for.

I know He will meet me at this conference and though I don't know what is in store, I trust He has a plan. But before I pack, I have to empty the bags - I have to lay it all down and He will lift me up. He's shown me though it will be important to pack the right things, I will never be prepared until I let Him remove all the wrong ones.


  1. It is hard to set down those bags, isn't it? Praying for you in this endeavor. Have a good time at SheSpeaks, it's a pretty special event.


  2. Hi Jill,
    I am so glad to hear that God is working on you too... that I am not the only one.

    I ended up having a job interview today, at a local McDonalds. I used to work there years ago (at a different store) and thought it would be good for part time. Well, they offered me the job, and I accepted it, but they want me to work 11a-4p which would be fine if both kids were in school, or if dave didn't work swing shift.
    I got all riled up, and just didn't know what to do. My mood went up and down... I just was all over the place tonight. I realized that the enemy was using something that I didn't need to make a decision about this very moment, and I was letting him run me through a wringer.

    I finally was able to calm down... but i just am so tired now! Praise God, I am much more at peace. I feel ok with just waiting. And hanging onto God... letting Him work out in me what He will... especially if He wants me to wait, so that I trust Him in the waiting.

    God is working all this stuff out in us, isn't He? I can't wait to see what He is going to do at She Speaks.
    God bless,

  3. Oh, Jill! It's so awesome to see the things God is doing in your life...the ways that he is moving and the ways you are growing. I'm not sure you even realize what an inspiration your obedience is to those around you. It's contagious! :) Stay at peace! Jesus, your best friend, is right there beside you!

  4. Girl, can I just say that you're amazing! Just reading your posts and seeing how God is working in your life... it brings joy to the soul!

    I look forward to all the SSpeaks has for us. I hope I get to see you there!

  5. Jill, I love what you said here. I love it and will take it to heart, myself. I stopped by from some blog list somewhere about She Speaks. Hope to meet you there!

  6. Empty your bags, girl, and let God fill them back up.

    Oh, and throw a sweater in there becuase it gets COLD at She Speaks!

  7. I loved meeting you this weekend, Jill! You have an amazing story to tell! I am thankful your load is lighter and pray you may continue to see yourself as others see you and as He sees you! He says He is crazy about you, according to Zeph. 3:17!!!!