Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I kind of feel like David...

I've been struggling...my grandma, a woman I love and one who's impacted me greatly, is in a battle with cancer. Over the past two weeks things have changed quickly and now her body is slowly shutting down. Doctors and nurses have predicted she has X amount of time left, but we are being reminded only God really knows the number of her days.

During this time of waiting and wondering, I grieve, I cry, I pray and I remember. I remember so many things - sleepovers, ice cream before bed, shopping trips, picking eggs, teaching her about basketball, her teaching me to sew, her apple pies, her stays when we brought a new baby home, the way she teased and made me laugh, lessons on making tomato juice and rhubarb jam, her baby blankets, holiday meals, Christmas at her house... I'm thankful for the memories, the lessons and the love.

I also remember who my grandma was - a woman with a heart to serve, a gift of hospitality and ability to love. She has touched many lives and blessed many people, I'm grateful to be one. She's a woman who was strong, diligent and willing to help. She set an example, I pray I can follow.

I think about the things I will miss - stopping by for a visit and always having lunch, calling her with a question  when I'm in the kitchen, her stories from the past, her apple pie and strawberry jam, birthday cards, watching her love on my kids and I'm sure the list will grow in the weeks to come.

These thoughts, they make me sad, but I know they are part of life. In the last conversation I had with my grandma she said, "We're all born and we're all going to die. We have to take it as it comes." I agree with her statement, but the fact that it's a reality doesn't make it any easier.

As I feel myself getting hit by waves of grief and emotion, I've thought of David. In 2 Samuel 12, David's son is dying and he pleads with God to spare the boy's life. For a week, David fasts, grieves and pleads with God. While the boy is dying, he's aware God could still perform a miracle. He has hope that what seems inevitable could change.

Friend, I feel the same way...the medical world assures us my grandma doesn't have much time left on this earth, but I believe God, my heavenly Father, could use His resurrecting power and heal her. Just because I believe that and my kids continue to pray for it doesn't mean He will. Regardless of the outcome, I trust Him and His plan.

If He chooses to call her home, I hope and pray I will continue to feel like David....After the baby died, his attendants were concerned David would do something desperate, but instead read what happens, "Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes,he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”

He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’  But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” (2 Samuel 12:20-23)

Friend, once my grandma breathes her last the same will be true for me...I can't bring her back, but the other day she assured me she was ready and because of a relationship with Jesus myself, I am too. So even though the tears fall now and the immediate future will probably include more sadness, I know I too will go to her in heaven.

I'm thankful for the hope I have in Christ, but I also appreciate the prayers from my brothers and sisters in Christ. So if God puts it on your heart to pray for my grandma, her 6 children, 15 grandchildren, numerous great grandchildren and even a few great-greats I would be forever grateful!


Grandma B and all the Biwer great grands!

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing so honestly from your heart. I remember those same feelings when my last grandparent was dying and then again when my mother-in-law was dying. Memories flooded my mind...I longed for the "good times," the "fun times" we had together. I wanted to see their strength and spunk back. It is so hard to watch a loved one approach death. I pray God will meet you in every moment, Jill. May He comfort you and show you with His mercy and grace. He knows every tear you cry, and He cries with you.

    Love you,

    Wendy

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