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| The J-Crew |
Lately these phrases and others like them have caught my attention. It doesn't matter if I'm the one uttering the words or if it's a complete stranger, they leave me thinking.
Now you'd think a Mom of 5 kids would be grateful every time these words are spoken and in a way I am. Who isn't thankful when their child doesn't have a fit at the store? I always appreciate the good things my kids do and I value kind words from the check-out lady and the elderly man at the restaurant.
But...the truth is, as the Mom, I know my kids, I see my kids and I observe the things they do. Trust me...they're not always good. Actually not long ago, one of them did something that made me believe this even more. Thankfully my kids usually keep their meltdowns and misbehavior at home, but this time it was different. The child didn't have to confess to a sibling but someone outside the walls of our home...all of which reminded me: they're not always good!
As I processed the situation with my little one, who was obviously hurt and didn't feel "good", I hurt as well. I felt myself taking on some of the blame for what "J" had done and found myself thinking, "If I'd of done this or taught that, "J" would NOT have done this." Guilt and shame were setting in and I heard the words, "You're not a good Mom."
Those words can hurt and at times have led to condemnation, but this time it was different and they didn't. I was convicted as new thoughts rolled thru my mind, "Jill, you're a child too. And God your Father, He knows you, He sees you and observes the things you do. He even knows the thoughts you have. Trust me, He knows you're no good."
He knows and loves me still. He forgives me when I mess up, and as I shared tears with "J", I did the same for my child.
I watched "J" confess, apologize and ask for forgiveness...it was one of the hardest things this little one has had to do, but "J" knew it was what needed to be done, so they did it. And friend, as a Mom it was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but I did it. Not because it was a "good" thing to do, but because it was the right thing to do.
Thru all of this, God has taught me a lesson and I'm about to say something I never thought I would, "I don't want good kids." It's true, I don't. They don't exist anyway! But, oh do I pray for GODLY ones!!
Ones who know they fall short and who understand they're not "good". Ones who rightly call themselves sinners, but who understand they are saved by grace. Ones who have a desire to seek wisdom from God and who have the courage and confidence to do what is right.
Will you join me in praying that even though my little "J's" have a Mom who's no good, they would have one who is Godly? I thank you and I'm sure they will too!! If we can bless you in the same way, leave a comment and we'd be honored to lift you to the only One who is GOOD!!
If we claim to be without sin,
we deceive ourselves
and the truth is not in us.
(1 John 1:8)
3 comments:
What I want for my kids: to live a life that honors and glorifies the One who created them and loves them perfectly. Oh, so often I pray that I can model Godliness for them, but I realize how often I fail. Then I am reminded of THE perfect model, Jesus himself...that both I and my children can follow. Although I'll never be perfect, He was and is! Sooooo thankful for that!
P.S. You ARE a good mom (and I know you in real life)! ;)
Well said, Jill! What more could we ask for than to have Godly children--and to be a Godly mom. Thanks for sharing this.
Yes, yes, yes! I love how the Lord helped you connect this to you, as well. How precious to know that being good is NOT the goal...for our children or for us as moms. Our goal is to be godly. To live this life and our desperate need for our Savior before our children with humility and love. Honestly, this makes me realize I need to stop and take a step back to look at my expectations - because so many times I just want everyone (including myself) to be good for goodness sake! Thanks for this post.
Hugs to you, fabulous woman of God. :)
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