Three years ago I was blessed and a bit scared (OK a lot scared) to attend...it was a huge step for this stay-at-HOME Mom, who rarely left the farm let alone the state!! But God did it and before I left NC I knew I would return.
A year ago our little Jesse arrived days before the conference, but a good friend called from the Embassy Suites as SS came to a close and God put it on my heart to begin praying about attending in 2012. All thru the fall and into the winter, God confirmed His plans for me to go, but as registration neared a lack of confidence settled in.
I mean there was the financial side of things, my nursing baby who was a MOMMA'S boy, the thought of leaving 5 children home and the doubts, especially the doubts. I mean really God, why me? A simple farmer's wife who's only platform is my steps out the back door! But it wouldn't go away, so I kept praying...
Registration opened and my husband (Job) and I began to talk about it more; he clearly supported me and assured me all would be fine. But little Miss Indecisive just thought and thought about it until I nearly drove myself C-R-A-Z-Y!! Finally one day, Job asked me, "What are you going to do?"
I replied, "Whatever you tell me to do." Then I clearly remember walking away and praying, "Lord, help me accept what He has to say." Because honestly at times I thought it was my flesh that wanted to have a little break, see some friends and be filled up by some amazing speakers. I anticipated God telling me no thru my husband (and my insecure, fearful self wanted that) so I began to prepare my heart for that very thing.
Time passes and after a long day of field work, Job says to me, "You're not going to believe this..." So I respond, "OK" and he continues, "I was listening to country music in the tractor today..." He was right that was a surprise, but I didn't say a word because I knew there was more. He continues, "A song came on about life moving by, things changing and how we need to do things now. It was as if God said, 'Jill needs to go to She Speaks, that we shouldn't wait."
Honestly this surprise was bigger than the fact that he had listened to country music, but the only reaction it created was tears. I knew realistically it made sense for my husband to say "no" so this conversation confirmed God's call...a confirmation that overwhelmed me and reminded me of Isaiah 55:8-9 -
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my
ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are
my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
As I sat in North Carolina this past weekend, this verse came to mind quite often, I'm so thankful God opened doors, confirmed the call and is writing my story. A story that is not yet finished, so stop by soon to hear the next piece of my journey to She Speaks 2012. Until then, I encourage you to trust the One whose ways are high...