Sunday, May 10, 2009

Me, A Mom?

There was a day when the thought of me being a Mom seemed quite out there! It's not that I didn't want to be - I played house with my younger sisters quite often as a child and then spent many hours babysitting as a teen. But through high school and into college my life was consumed with basketball. Though I enjoyed the game and devoted countless hours to it, my lack of dating bothered me at times.

I think I was 20 before I went on a date and then it didn't happen again until I was 24. During those years I honestly thought marriage and motherhood weren't going to be an option for me. At times that was tough, but I tried to fill my mothering instinct by pouring into the kids I taught and coached.

Well, God had a plan that worked according to His time and not mine. He knew before I could give my life to a man, I had to surrender it to Him and make Christ the love of my life. Shortly after that decision, I reconnected with a guy from my hometown at my sister's wedding in April of 2000. By that November we were engaged and this July we will celebrate 8 years!

In those 8 years many things have taken place with one of the biggest being the fulfillment of a childhood dream! I am a mom! Not only once, but we've been blessed with J.D. who just turned 6, Joy who's 4 and our little Jaylyn who's 2. This past fall the fairy tale took an unexpected turn as we experienced a miscarriage and now have a little one waiting for us in heaven.

But today, on Mother's Day, a day I once questioned if I'd ever celebrate, we announced that God has blessed us once again. I am almost 16 weeks pregnant and we're expecting a little one in October.

Again God is reminding me things go according to His plan and I keep reminding myself His timing is perfect, even when that doesn't seem to be the case. You see at times, quite often actually, this pregnancy has me overwhelmed. More than once I have asked God, "How is this going to work?" I mean I'm already busy with 3, I'm homeschooling one, coordinating MOPS, have a book coming out this summer, I'm helping organize a retreat that's schedule only days after my due date...."HOW?!?"

But today, the day created to honor the ones who play the role of "Mom," I'm reminded that I shouldn't be surprised with this question. My oldest is 6 and I have asked that very question quite often. As I sit here, I recall a poem I once wrote and one line said, "It's not about having all the answers, but sometimes simply listening to the questions."

At the time I was referring to communicating with our kids, but the same is true for the conversations that take place in our minds. It is impossible for me to have the answers, I don't know what the future holds, but as I listen to the question my mind creates I need to remind myself to turn to the One who has the answers.

He may not reveal them for awhile, but I must trust that He will lead me to the place where they will be found. Ten years ago I asked the simple question, "Me, a Mom?" At times I doubted that it would be answered the way I wanted, but God's ways were perfect and I'm more blessed now than I ever imagined.

And though I worry and stress about what the future holds, I trust the one with the answers. In another 10 years I look forward to looking back and seeing how He answers this one!! Then I suppose I'll ask myself another question, "Why were you worried?"


  1. Oh my goodness I am so glad I found your blog!! Your post spoke to me more than you know! I am 24 and feel like I am never going to find "the one" but then I always remind myself it isn't my timing, it is God's timing. And I know God's timing is more important than the timing that I want!! Thank you so much for your thoughts today and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

  2. Oh, Jill! As they so often do, your words touched my heart.

    It's so good to see how God is working in your life. I feel privileged to be your friend and to have the opportunity to see you "grow" (in more ways than one now that you're expecting again!!!) right before my eyes.

    It's taken a little while for all of this to sink in. When you told me that you were expecting I was just excited for you. Then, it really started sinking in. You're REALLY having a baby...and it's due 2 days before the retreat. WOW! It makes me chuckle because I know that God's timing is perfect! It will all work out just fine because HE is faithful! I'm sure glad that we can trust Him and his plans for us! :)

    How awesome that you're going to be the mom of 4! Just think of what a blessing this new little one will be. One day you won't be able to imagine what life would have been like without him/her.

    I love ya, girl!

  3. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! So excited for you and your family. have baby then go right to the retreat! We'll be waitin' for ya!
    Just remember when you start to get overwhelmed...breathe and remember, He's got this! :)
    love ya,