Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Truth...

The Truth…Hurts
The truth is people die and that hurts. The truth is relationships are broken and that hurts. The truth is life’s not always fair and that hurts. The truth is things happen that we don’t understand and that hurts. I could continue, but I’m sure you get my point – “The truth hurts!”

My 98 year old grandmother passed away Sunday and though I knew it was coming it’s still been hard. Saying good-bye is never an easy thing and I’ve been amazed at the memories that have flooded my mind as I reflect on all we’ve shared. What a blessing to remember all the silly games we played, all the loaves of bread we baked, all the history she shared and all the wisdom she passed on.

The memories have given me smiles but at the same time I’m sad and in a way feel guilty for not making more time for this wonderful woman who always made time for me. Her death has once again given me a perspective check – what really matters? It’s not the things we do or the money we make, but the people we love. The truth is time goes by quickly and we will never get it back. With that, the truth is sometimes we waste it (and other gifts we’ve been given) and once we realize that, it hurts.

As our family grieves this loss, I’m also reminded of a relationship that is broken. The truth is there is tension between my mom and me and that hurts. As I watch my dad deal with losing his own mom, it hurts bad.

I realize the truth Lisa Whittle is discussing in her book is not about life and death, but simply being real, but in the midst of grief this is what’s on my heart. I can see the connections in my head, so we’ll see if I can put them on paper.

In this chapter Lisa discusses the idea that the truth heals. I have experienced that and am praying I will again as these current situations unfold. To some degree I already am, the truth that God has prepared a place for my grandma heals in a way only He can. There is peace knowing she is in a better place.

As I think about the opportunities I missed to visit my grandma for one reason or another it could be easy to beat myself up (I know I’ve done that a time or two today). Lisa’s words are a great reminder, “But in the process of admitting our mess-ups, we are not to get down on ourselves and continually beat up ourselves for it.” Those words are true for this situation and have held true for other things this book study brought. And the truth is they heal. God has convicted me, but I know He doesn’t condemn.

My prayer now is for the relationship that is broken. This has a lot to do with the third truth Lisa mentions, resolution. She says, “God created us to discern and discover who we are and where we function most effectively, without trying to be someone else.” Wow, those words hit home, but it has taken me 32 years to realize this. You see for far too long I lived to be who others thought I should be and the person I tried to please the most was my mom.

As I embrace the thought of God using me, yes me, and catch a vision of what He has created me for I am excited at times, but the truth is occasionally I still worry. I worry about what others will think and it really becomes hard when they actually tell me what those thoughts are. But the truth is Jesus faced persecution while here and as we follow Him, we will too and that hurts.

It is hard to be misunderstood and labeled because of my faith, but for the first time I’m really beginning to realize there is a purpose for the pain. And as my desire to be real increases for the first time I’m beginning to realize I also paid a price for hiding my faith. Others may not have seen it and I didn’t hear specific comments, but it hurt. Pretending may have made it easier for everyone else, but for me it was hard. At times I felt like an actor not knowing which scene I was in or what hat I should wear. So the truth is being real sets us free and that heals.

I have been blessed on my walk thru Lisa’s book, Behind Those Eyes and I pray God continues to draw me closer to Him and constantly strengthens my desire to be who He created me to be. Beyond that, I pray as others see me become a person they never knew they won’t just recognize what has changed, but will want to understand why I’ve changed.

Just like Lisa told us, I will say, “Discovering the truth about who we are takes away our need to be anyone else. And that, my friend, is the Truth that will once and for all, set your soul free. Jesus is the only One who can truly heal our souls, from the inside out.” That really is a truth that heals!!

Finally I’d like to close by thanking everyone who’s taken this journey with me, I’ve been blessed by your blogs and touched by your comments. It’s been encouraging to walk with you. Lisa I can’t thank you enough for the impact your book has played, God is using your words and I am grateful. And Lelia thank you for hosting, you are the hostess with the mostess!!

I’ll finish with a poem I was reminded of as Lisa shared about the puzzle dream -
"Puzzle"
A piece here,a piece there –
what will it look like in the end?
Alone, some pieces can’t be understood,
but as things come together their purpose is revealed.
As one piece fits into the next
things begin to make sense.
The pretty, simple piece is important,
but the challenging and difficult ones
play a role as well.
The puzzle stays undone
until every piece is in place.
When I’m the one to finish,
it’s a picture, I’ve completed,
but when it’s God putting the pieces together
it’s a life, He’s created.

6 comments:

  1. Jill,

    I am so sorry to read of your grandmas passing. No matter what the age of our grandparents it is still so hard when they leave this world. Hang on to the many memories and share them with your children.

    I loved this poem that you posted. It has been great to be on this journey with you.

    Praying for you and your family in the coming days.

    blessings,
    Kim

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  2. Jill,

    I am so sorry for your profound loss. My deepest sympathies are with you and your family, and I have just prayed for you, dear one.

    Your post was beautiful. I love that He is Truth. It is one of my most favorite things about Him. And it matters all the more when we are faced with the realities of sorrow, death, and despair.

    May you feel His presence and know His truth ever so greatly in this valley.

    Darlene

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  3. Jill,
    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of you grandmother. I know the depth of that pain and send my prayers and sympathy your way.
    I also will be praying about the restoration of you relationship with your mom. It doesn't seem to matter HOW you got there ~ what matters is that you find resolution and restoration!
    I've walked that path and it begins with forgiveness!
    I have so enjoyed this journey with you. it has been a pleasure getting to know you.
    Bless you, Cindy

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  4. Jill,
    I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I have prayed for you and your family.

    You wrote:
    "Pretending may have made it easier for everyone else, but for me it was hard. At times I felt like an actor not knowing which scene I was in or what hat I should wear. So the truth is being real sets us free and that heals."

    I know that feeling... not knowing who to be and when. Being real means I don't have to pretend in a play I don't know the script to anymore. I am truly free.
    thank you for that reminder!
    God bless you,
    Heather

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  5. Like I told you in the email..loss of life at any age is hard. I will be praying for you Jill, I will. You are so sweet and this summer we are meeting!!! :)
    Thank you so much for your important contribution to this study. I love your thoughts. With Gene getting back to work soon I'm still going to work and in January my goal is to buy a laptop! So then I'll be by to visit on a regular basis. Right now I'm at work and I can use my client's computer which is nice.
    Okay dear friend...next journey of YES to GOD begins in January. I hope you can join us if you're not already signed up. I think it's going to be pretty powerful. :)
    Love,
    Lelia

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  6. Jill...
    This post touched my heart in a very real way. Even your opening paragraph spoke to me, as you mentioned some of life's "truth" that hurts! I am so sorry about your loss. And you're right, the issues of truth that hurt are not always about being real and owning our inadequacies. I love how God weaved His message in chapter 10 with the real life issues you are facing. He sees you, Jill, and knows you and what you need. Isn't that an awesome thought?

    I loved the poem at the end. Thank you for sharing that...it does tie in so beautifully with the puzzle dream I share about.

    You are dearly loved by your Creator, and I am thankful to call you my friend! Keep pursuing the truthful life!
    Lisa :)

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