I didn't want to do it!

I'm beginning to see a theme - in my last post I wrote about being a mess and in this one I'm going to share about cleaning one up.

Earlier today, my 2 year old son came into the house and he'd obviously messed his pants. He's been potty training, but over the last few weeks has went without any accidents, so I'd thought I was past this fun task for awhile!

Not so much...I set my agenda aside and went into the bathroom to do something I really didn't want to do! It was a mess and cleaning it up really wasn't on my list for the day. But you know, it wasn't on anyone else's list either, so I did what every Mom does and cleaned it up.

As I was doing the dirty work and honestly thinking, I really don't want to do this; I was reminded of my previous post - I too am a MESS and somebody has to clean me up.

Wow, did that put things in perspective!

Take a minute and look at Luke 22:42, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” In my mind, I can translate Jesus opening words to sound just like mine - going to the cross was really something He didn't want to do. Yet how did He close His prayer? Jesus was all about God's will not His own.

Now cleaning up a dirty, stinky two year does not compare to Jesus death on the cross, but (though I hate to say it) there are endless comparisons between by my son and me - there's dirt in my past and my sin stinks! Could you say the same?

I pray you do because honesty is how we deal with the mess; we can't clean it up if we don't admit it's there. Friend, though I didn't want to clean up my son - I did. I love him and as his mom I was created to take care of him! In the same way, Jesus didn't want to clean up our sin by dying on the cross, but He did. He loves us and was created to take care of us!

He was also created to do the work His Father called Him to and so are we...so what's on your "I don't want to do it list" today? Follow Jesus's example and do the work He calls you to!!

I'm a...

How would you complete the above statement? I asked some friends and there were numerous responses...many that did not surprise me. I heard, "I'm a Mom, friend, daughter, disciple, sinner, writer, coach, teacher, wife..." There were many roles shared that I play, but I'll be honest the last couple of days the word that best completes the statement for me is: MESS!

It's true, I am a MESS!

Does that surprise you? I am afraid it might and that's not a good thing. But I know I'm one who's quick with the "I'm fine" response and I often find myself saying "things are going pretty good."

That's true - my family is healthy, my marriage is a healthy work in progress and we have a home where there's plenty to eat. So on one hand things are good, but on the other hand I'm not always good and my life's not perfect. Let me just give you a glimpse -

A week ago, God showed me HE is so very faithful! He truly does more than we could ever ask or imagine. I was honestly overwhelmed by His goodness and power. But 7 days later, I found myself doubting...initially I was doubting myself; but I realize if it's God who works thru me, really that means I'm doubting Him.

Isn't that nice...someone who calls herself a Christian, one who saw God work powerfully just days ago doubts God? It's true, I am a MESS!

In case you need more evidence...last weekend God stirred up much in my heart, challenged me and confirmed some things. I was encouraged and renewed. A couple of days passed and at times I found myself discouraged thinking about all that was on my plate. I realize I can't do it all, but that tempts me to do N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

Lovely...the girl who encourages others and reminds them that "with God all things are possible" doesn't always believe that promise is for her as well. Obviously I am a MESS!

Then finally...just the other day I read an interview with Lisa Whittle in which she responded to a survey of Christian women...many who are FINE just like me. And perhaps like you. As I read, I was disappointed.

Guess what these women said was their number 0ne sin? Disorganization...really? Granted I struggle with that, but what about selfishness, laziness, pride, doubt? I had a quick little conversation with God - shared some thoughts and asked some questions. One in particular, "God when are women going to own their stuff?" And He simply whispered back, "It could start with you."

Well, let's just say if I wasn't already feeling like a bit of MESS...this would have taken me there. Like I said the survey results had left me disappointed and though I wasn't one who took the survey...I was one of them.

At times I hide behind the mask, I play the "I'm fine" game and pretend like all is well. When really I am a mess! Honestly walking in faith isn't always easy...though us Christians sometimes do a good job of making it look that way. Following Christ doesn't come natural and accepting Him does not make our mess go away.

So why do we pretend it does? I really don't know. But I'm going to borrow a line from Lisa, "I'm so over that." She shared that with us at the retreat and I know she meant it with all her heart, so now I share it with you and pray God will help me live in a way that proves I mean it as well.

How about you? Are you over it? Did the survey results bother you? (Read more HERE!) If so what are you going to do about? Remember, if we want others to own their stuff, we better own ours first!

Worth Repeating

This past weekend I attended the ReNEWed Life Women's Event, and was also blessed to be part of the leadership team. It was a privilege and a joy for many reasons, but honestly it involved some work and responsibility. There are so many things I could say and perhaps in time I will, but now...2 A.M. in the morning now, God has this message on my heart...

Lisa Whittle shared the following statement with us,

"Jesus gave His life for you...why not give yours to Him?"

I jotted those words down knowing God would bring them up again. And He has.

You see much has been going thru my mind since Saturday...my own thoughts, reactions others have shared and comments I have read. Good stuff, but God is challenging me. And I pray He will challenge you as well.

People were stirred at this event, which is a good thing. They were reminded of a God they love and better yet of a God, the God, who loves them. This stirring takes us to a place where we want to do something and that's good, but sometimes in the doing I forget about the being...how about you?

And during these moments of memory loss, I can focus on this one big thing (like God compartmentalizes the work we do for Him...that is such a human trait) that I fail at being who He made me to be. And friend, that leads to trouble.

God isn't asking me to write a book, He doesn't necessarily want you to start a ministry or need you to accomplish a certain task...He wants your L-I-F-E in exchange for the one His Son laid down. Give that to Him, all of it, and He just might write a book with your name on the cover or start a ministry and put you in leadership. These things we do aren't the important piece of the puzzle, but the reason we do them is.

We serve a God who wrote the only book that really matters and are disciples of Jesus, the One who's ministry is the greatest there will ever be.

Honestly nothing I do will compare to that, so I'm choosing to give my life to Him...day after day, moment after moment trusting He will do with it what He wants, knowing He has plans far better than mine and believing He will equip me to complete them.

So what do you think? Have you been giving God your life or simply the things you do? There is a difference...I encourage you to think about it today.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live,
but Christ lives in me.
The life I now live in the body,
I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave himself for me.
Gal. 2:20

Make some noise...

The other day I stumbled across a poem I'd written a few years back and I actually stopped to read it. As I was doing this, my youngest son was napping and my oldest daughter burst through the door singing, loudly. I jumped up to hush her and reminded her it was nap time. She obliged and simply asked, "Mom, when can we just make some noise?" I replied, "Later or else you could go back outside."

She chose the latter and I continued with the poem, the one I'd titled, "How Can We Be Silent?" Take a minute and read it for yourself -

“How Can We Be Silent?”
The world is hurting and
He can heal the pain.
The problems are endless and
He is the answer.
Relationships are broken and
He can make them better.
People are suffering and
He provides comfort.
Countries are at war and
He offers peace.
Everyone makes mistakes and
He grants forgiveness.
Our lives are a mess and
He can wash them clean.
The world has a need and
only Jesus can fill it.
How can we be silent,
when He can do so much?

I came to the end of my words and felt God rephrase Joy's as He whispered to my heart, "Jill, when are you going to make some noise?" It's not that He wanted me to sing like my daughter (Thank you LORD!!), but friend He wants me (and you) to speak up for Him. And you know as well as I do, our families, friends, neighbors and the strangers we meet need us to be a voice for Him.

Not even three weeks ago I attended a conference called She Speaks, but I've been reminded those two words don't just describe an event I was blessed to attend, but it's something I need to do. Friend would you like to join me? Let's commit to making some noise for Jesus!!

"She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue."
Proverbs 31:26

She Speaks '12 - My One Thing

I've been home for 10 days and I finally feel like I can name my one thing from She Speaks. There were so many things and so much God spoke to my heart that I've struggled to name one thing. I've prayed and tried to process through it all, and two words keep coming back. Five simple letters that when strung together make a powerful statement, actually they are my one thing!

OWN IT!!

Let me explain...Sunday morning Whitney Capps gave an amazing talk and in it she shared her desire to cover up a mistake she had made, but instead God told her to "own it!" This was not at all the main point of her message, but it was a sticky little statement God has used in my head for the last 10 days.

He has spoken to me about owning my mistakes and owning my sin, but He's used it in another way as well. You see during those three days in North Carolina, God confirmed some things He has had on my heart, He encouraged me and He reminded me of who I am.

Since I've returned home, life, satan and doubt have tried to erase the messages I heard. Reality tells me this will never happen. The chaos of life can leave me thinking there's no time to do what He's asking me to do. My sinful nature causes me to stumble and I think someone else would do it better.

Then God whispers to me, the same words He shared with Whitney, two simple words. Five ordinary letters that make me cry.

"OWN IT!"

I hear Him whisper to my heart, "Own your calling Jill. Remember in Wendy's session I reminded you, I have called you. Own it. I created the work (Eph. 2:10) and I'll complete it (Phil. 1:6). You just have to own it."

These words are not just for my calling, no, the creator of the universe has this to say as well, "Jill, own your gifts. Don't forget Micca repeating what she told you 3 years ago, your writing is a gift...one I gave to you, now use it to serve Me. (1 Peter 4:10) She believes in you, and so do I."

The LORD doesn't stop there, He's been reminding me to take possession of one more thing...listen to what He's had to say, "Own your identity Jill. You went to She Speaks with a book proposal about this very topic...don't just write about who you are, live as who I made you to be: My chosen child, a dependent daughter, a loved lady and a gifted girl. The world will try to convince you this isn't true, but own it. The choice is yours."

Friend I hope you don't have to board a plane to understand this truth, but can I encourage you to own it?!

Own your mistakes...we can't fix them if we don't claim them.
Own your sin...we can't be forgiven if we don't acknowledge the need.
Own your calling...we can't fulfill it if we don't believe it.
Own your gifts...we can't use them if we don't recognize them.
Own your identity...we can't be who we are if we're too busy pretending we're someone else.

If you attended She Speaks, I'd love to hear about your one thing! And if God's whispered to you as you read about mine, I'd love to join you in prayer as we journey towards owning all that's ours! Leave a comment and I'll try to stop back and join the conversation! Thanks!

She Speaks '12 - The Prayer Room: Yet Another Surprise

There's still so much to say about She Speaks, but today I want to focus on the prayer room. If you've never been to a prayer room, specifically the one at She Speaks, I want to share one thing...it is holy ground. God is there!

It is a great place to go and be alone even in the midst of 650 women, but it's also a place where God speaks. You see each year the P31 women pray specifically for everyone who will attend. They also "randomly" place our name under a name of God...3 years ago I found my name and God spoke powerfully. Needless to say I was looking forward to a similar experience this year!

So Friday night I found myself in the prayer room, I spent some time quieting my heart and just soaking it all in and then moved to the front of the room to find my name. I circled around looking at every paper, recognizing some names, stopping to pray and wondering where mine would be. I wondered what God had to say.

I came to the very last table, the very last paper and there it was, Jill Beran, attached to the sheet that said, "Jehovah Saboath - The Lord of Hosts, The Lord of Armies." And my first thought, that's the same place it was 3 years ago. My thoughts continued and I came to the conclusion, yes, the battle still goes on.



I then read the rest of the sign and jotted down these words, "The Lord of heaven will always fulfill His purposes, even when the hosts of His earthly people fail." I quickly wrote down the scripture verses and then attended my first session.

Later that night, my roommate and I were talking about our names of God and how we were each surprised to find our name under the same name as when we previously attended.

Honestly it was a bit of a left down; I was ready for something new, ready for the battle to be over. By the next morning God had given me something new.

I was up and a bit nervous about my publisher appointments, but the emotion that had hit hard was doubt. I mean really, me meet with a publisher, one the same gal who'd accepted Renee Swope's book.

Then God spoke to me, Jill, I'm the Lord of Armies, 3 years ago that calmed your fears as you felt opposition from outsiders, but right now you are your own worst enemy. Ouch, that hurt a bit, but it was (and is) so true.

Friend sometimes it's others who fail, but often times it's ME!! Though that happens, God's purpose will prevail. Does that mean I went to the meetings and received a contract for my book? No and perhaps I never will, but it does mean I walked in with confidence and complete trust in the ONE who'd brought me to that place.

1 Samuel 17:45 was one of the references listed on the Name of God sheet. It says, "David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied."

This verse, one I'd actually unpacked a bit in chapter 2, helped. Through these words, God reminded me, He is a consistent God. His Word is alive. He's not going to move us on until we've learned the lesson He is currently teaching, even if it's been three years!

And the thing with God is there is always more to learn, not sure why I was surprised! Friend, can I encourage you today if something He's done or said has left you surprised or wondering, don't just accept it as fact, dig in and ask Him to help you understand. I believe you will find a message, a powerful one, just like I did. And you will grow in the process, just yesterday I dug even deeper and for the first time found myself reading commentaries instead of just listening to my pastor quote them.

I have much to learn about Jehovah Saboath and I have to believe there's much more God wants to teach you as well!!

A day late...

Sorry for the delay in posting the winner to my give-away; a migraine set in and changed plans for the day! Thank you all for taking part and sharing this post with your friends. I was encouraged by your words! If you didn't win the book, I pray you will look into getting a copy for yourself!

So now for the news you're all waiting for -

Danielle Jones
is the name
my little lady drew as the winner!!

Congrats to you Danielle! So thankful I had the opportunity to meet you at She Speaks; your sweet smile still brings a smile to my face! Pray this book blesses you and we're all wondering how your husband responded upon hearing the title!!

May you all have a blessed day!!