10 Years Later

August 30, 2008, a day I will forever remember. It was the Saturday of Labor Day weekend. Our children were 5, 3 and 1 and we were expecting a new baby. We were waiting to share the news, but the events of the day changed our plans.

A trip to the Dr. confirmed what my mother intuitions already knew - we had a miscarriage. My heart was broken. Tears fell. Questions came.

It’s hard to believe 10 years have passed. As I look back four things come to mind –

I REMEMBER

I could still tell you the events of the day…people I talked to, songs I heard, Scripture I read and the pain I felt.  My “favorite” memory from the day is truly grieving with my children. They were all too young to understand that “the baby in mommy’s tummy died,” but they were sad when our 2 year old goldfish, Dorothy, died that day too. The opportunity to grieve together was precious.

I WONDER

I wonder what our little lady would look like? Would she like basketball like her big sisters? Would she tease her big brother and play farm with her younger? I truly don't know and honestly, don't let my mind dwell there.

I REALIZE

My faith is important, healing takes time and God is present. I know without a doubt God's ways are not mine and I understand the family of Christ is important. I realize the Lord is my shepherd who walks me through the valley of the shadow of death.

I WORSHIP

The most important thing I do on this 10 year anniversary is worship the God I love, the Father who carried me through and the Savior who's death assures my baby and I won't be separated forever. 

I worship God because I remember who I was before 8-30-08 and I'm thankful through that trial God revealed Himself to me in powerful ways. My faith became stronger and my desire to share the source of my hope grew. 

I worship because I don't have to wonder. I'll admit, in the days and months following our loss I asked, "Why?" I didn't understand and I wanted to know, but now I'm OK. I worship God because He is sovereign; I may not understand His plan, but I trust Him. 

I worship because I realize His Word is powerful. Tomorrow morning we'll read the same Scripture I read 10 years ago...Luke 22. Here in verse 42, Jesus says, "Father, if  are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." That morning before heading to town so the Dr. could confirm what I already knew I found an example of what I needed to do. Like Jesus, I asked God to change what it seemed my day held and also like my Lord I submitted to my Father's will. Days later when it seemed I was drowning in the pain, I returned to this passage. It was then I turned verse 43 into a prayer and asked God to send an angel from heaven and strengthen me.

Ten years have passed and much has happened since...there's been life (2 more baby Berans) and death, joy and pain, laughter and tears, good times and bad, but through it all God has remained the same. He's been present and powerful, gracious and mighty. His Word has been a light and given hope. I'm no longer grieving, but I'm so thankful my faith is still growing. 

Friend, if you are walking through a hard loss or experiencing pain, let me live out 1 Peter 3:15 and share where my hope comes from - Jesus. He's more than a character in a book or a teacher who lived long ago, He's my Lord and Savior and He can be yours too. Simply admit your sins (Romans 3:23), accept God's free gift (Romans 6:23), embrace the love He gives (Romans 5:8), confess Jesus is Lord and believe God raised Him from the dead (Romans 10:9-10) and know "everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:13)

This relationship with Jesus determines your eternal home and impacts your daily life. As you seek Him, He sustains you. As you read His Word, He transforms you. As you pray, He brings peace. As you worship, you gain perspective. When you walk through trials, He will comfort. He's done that for me, let Him do it for you. 

Heavenly Father, oh Lord, thank you for who you are...a great God, loving Father, my good Shepherd, my Savior and my Lord. I'm grateful for your Word and the Truth it holds. May I cling to your promises now and always. Thank you for healing my hurting heart. Thank you for being present and providing peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding. Lord, meet those who are grieving, make yourself real, dry their tears and comfort their heart. When we don't understand, help us trust. In Jesus' Name, Amen