10 Years Later

August 30, 2008, a day I will forever remember. It was the Saturday of Labor Day weekend. Our children were 5, 3 and 1 and we were expecting a new baby. We were waiting to share the news, but the events of the day changed our plans.

A trip to the Dr. confirmed what my mother intuitions already knew - we had a miscarriage. My heart was broken. Tears fell. Questions came.

It’s hard to believe 10 years have passed. As I look back four things come to mind –

I REMEMBER

I could still tell you the events of the day…people I talked to, songs I heard, Scripture I read and the pain I felt.  My “favorite” memory from the day is truly grieving with my children. They were all too young to understand that “the baby in mommy’s tummy died,” but they were sad when our 2 year old goldfish, Dorothy, died that day too. The opportunity to grieve together was precious.

I WONDER

I wonder what our little lady would look like? Would she like basketball like her big sisters? Would she tease her big brother and play farm with her younger? I truly don't know and honestly, don't let my mind dwell there.

I REALIZE

My faith is important, healing takes time and God is present. I know without a doubt God's ways are not mine and I understand the family of Christ is important. I realize the Lord is my shepherd who walks me through the valley of the shadow of death.

I WORSHIP

The most important thing I do on this 10 year anniversary is worship the God I love, the Father who carried me through and the Savior who's death assures my baby and I won't be separated forever. 

I worship God because I remember who I was before 8-30-08 and I'm thankful through that trial God revealed Himself to me in powerful ways. My faith became stronger and my desire to share the source of my hope grew. 

I worship because I don't have to wonder. I'll admit, in the days and months following our loss I asked, "Why?" I didn't understand and I wanted to know, but now I'm OK. I worship God because He is sovereign; I may not understand His plan, but I trust Him. 

I worship because I realize His Word is powerful. Tomorrow morning we'll read the same Scripture I read 10 years ago...Luke 22. Here in verse 42, Jesus says, "Father, if  are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." That morning before heading to town so the Dr. could confirm what I already knew I found an example of what I needed to do. Like Jesus, I asked God to change what it seemed my day held and also like my Lord I submitted to my Father's will. Days later when it seemed I was drowning in the pain, I returned to this passage. It was then I turned verse 43 into a prayer and asked God to send an angel from heaven and strengthen me.

Ten years have passed and much has happened since...there's been life (2 more baby Berans) and death, joy and pain, laughter and tears, good times and bad, but through it all God has remained the same. He's been present and powerful, gracious and mighty. His Word has been a light and given hope. I'm no longer grieving, but I'm so thankful my faith is still growing. 

Friend, if you are walking through a hard loss or experiencing pain, let me live out 1 Peter 3:15 and share where my hope comes from - Jesus. He's more than a character in a book or a teacher who lived long ago, He's my Lord and Savior and He can be yours too. Simply admit your sins (Romans 3:23), accept God's free gift (Romans 6:23), embrace the love He gives (Romans 5:8), confess Jesus is Lord and believe God raised Him from the dead (Romans 10:9-10) and know "everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:13)

This relationship with Jesus determines your eternal home and impacts your daily life. As you seek Him, He sustains you. As you read His Word, He transforms you. As you pray, He brings peace. As you worship, you gain perspective. When you walk through trials, He will comfort. He's done that for me, let Him do it for you. 

Heavenly Father, oh Lord, thank you for who you are...a great God, loving Father, my good Shepherd, my Savior and my Lord. I'm grateful for your Word and the Truth it holds. May I cling to your promises now and always. Thank you for healing my hurting heart. Thank you for being present and providing peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding. Lord, meet those who are grieving, make yourself real, dry their tears and comfort their heart. When we don't understand, help us trust. In Jesus' Name, Amen

Do you need your wipers?

The other night I was driving down the road when it started to rain. As I turned my wipers on, a memory came to mind. Instantly, I was 14 and in Driver's Ed again. I clearly remember the first time I drove with our instructor...to say I was nervous would be an understatement. I was focused on the road with my hands on 2 and 10 and it started to rain. I kept driving with eyes looking ahead and hands gripping the wheel when eventually my teacher said, "You can turn the wipers on."

I reflected on that story and instantly a new illustration came to mind. Friend, sometimes we can walk through life in a similar way. Our vision is blurred, our focus distracts and our actions aren't safe. We know using our wipers makes driving safe when our view is unclear, but have you ever wondered if your view as a Christian is out of focus?

My long drive in the rain gave me plenty of time to think. As we walk through life, storms come and fog settles in. Our view isn't always clear. It's not always the physical elements that blur our sight  either. Sometimes our thoughts get in the way and wrong motives of our flesh or lies from the enemy distort our view. Others it's simply the busyness of our daily life or even our numbness to the sin our culture embraces.

In the same I way I couldn't see the road all those years ago, we can struggle to see God. Now, we're not going to literally see God, our Father, but we can see Him at work, in creation and in His Word. If our focus is elsewhere or our vision is blurred, we won't. And when we don't see Him, we tend to drift from Him.

Think for a minute to when you've driven in the fog or with a broken wiper blade - crossing the centerline is easy to do and drifting onto the shoulder happens quite quickly. The same is true in a spiritual sense.

Matthew 5:8 says, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." These are words Jesus spoke to the disciples and all who gathered to hear the sermon on the mount.

Personally, the word that catches my attention is PURE. The Greek word for this is katharos, which means clean, pure and unstained. If we dig a bit deeper, we find a pure heart is one that is unmixed (without undesirable elements) and it is free from the contaminating influence of sin. 

I no longer need a reminder to turn my wipers on when the rain starts to fall, but I think sometimes I need to remember to purify my heart in a spiritual sense. How about you?

We can't do this by flipping a switch or pushing a button, we need to humble ourselves before God, spend time in His Word and allow Him to convict us. Once that happens, we must confess and repent. Though that can be hard, God forgives and our view gets better!

It's dangerous to drive when our vision is blurred and friend, it's just as risky and unsafe to walk the road of faith with distorted vision and a polluted heart. I pray we each take some time to turn on the wipers of our heart!

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord thank you for this simple picture. Wise, experienced drivers know there are times we need to turn our wipers on. I ask you to help me be a wise, mature follower of you so that I allow you to purify my heart. Lord, I want to see you, but know my vision is often blurred and my heart can be impure. Humble my heart, open my eyes to sin and help me repent. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

Can you watch the gate?

Today I did something I haven't done in awhile...watch the gate as my husband fed cattle. I've done this plenty of times before, but lately it's one of our kids who does the job. They were all doing their own thing when Job texted and asked, "Can you watch the gate?"

I could and I'm glad I did. As I stood there with half grown calves looking at me, God gave me a picture. There was nothing keeping these larger than me animals in their pen once I swung open the red gate and waited for my husband to drive through. As I stood there hoping I wouldn't let any out, memories flooded my mind.

I recalled my days on the farm as a child and the countless times I feared getting run over by a cow, pig or sheep while doing the very same job. I was also afraid of upsetting my parents if I didn't do the job and created more work. But, what really came to mind was memories from this past weekend.

I attended and helped organize the ReNEWed Life Women's Event where we were blessed with the teaching of Stephanie Shott. She showed us the power and relevance of God's Word. She challenged me as a believer and as a mom. She encouraged and equipped me too.

This morning as I watched the cattle gate I thought about two different gates. First of all, the gate of my heart and mind. Friend, all day long there's potential for things to enter our heart and mind. Some of these things are good and beneficial; others, not so much. Some are truth and bring life, others are lies and lead to death.

As I purposely stood and intently watched our cattle gate, I wondered - "Do I do this with my heart and mind?" The honest answer is: not always. If I had not watched the gate, we might still be chasing cattle and when I don't watch the gate in a spiritual sense there are consequences as well. Think with me for a minute...as we watch the gate of our mind, what should we keep out? 

A few answers that quickly come to my mind...lies from the enemy, worries and anxious thoughts, and false teaching. We must remember failing to watch our farm gate results in cattle getting out, neglecting my spiritual gate leads to bad things getting in!

Being a mom, I thought about the spiritual gates in my children's hearts and minds. They need watching too! As their mom, I need to be mindful and aware of what they are exposed to and consuming. And just like we did on the farm, we need to teach them how to watch the gate. As they grow and mature, they need to learn and be given opportunities to filter what goes into their heart and mind.

They won't know this simply by turning a certain age and even as an adult I need assistance too. Time spent in God's Word will encourage and equip me to do the job I was reminded I needed to do.

Proverbs 4:23a tells us - "Above all else, guard your heart..."

1 Corinthians 16:13 says, "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong."

Friend, we can clearly see that we need to guard our heart. We need to guard it from the things of this world, from the ways of our culture and from our enemy Satan, who is constantly on the attack.

2 Timothy 1:14 instructs us with something else we need to guard. Here Paul says, "Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you-guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us."

God has given us His Word and as we read and study it, we get wisdom and understanding. We can hide truth in our hearts, but we must guard it. It takes more intentionality to watch our spiritual gate than my cattle gate. We must be discerning and take in sound teaching and then we must be wise and guard it! Thankfully, we have the Holy Spirit to help us!!

Friend, I'm going to ask you the same question my husband asked me - "Can you watch the gate?"

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for being an ever working, always teaching Father. Help me watch my spiritual gate. Sometimes the job is hard and scary, but it's so important. On the farm we don't want to let the cattle out and when it comes to my faith, I don't want to let lies and half-truths in. Oh Lord, give me wisdom and diligence. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

Growth takes time...

Have you ever found yourself thinking much about growth? As a mom to 5 and a farmer's wife, it seems growth happens all around me. My children are getting taller and our corn is too. This is a good thing. It's what kids and crops are supposed to do!

Lately I've found myself thinking about a different type of growth, the kind we don't necessarily see with our eyes, but the development that should take place for every believer - spiritual growth.

The 7th annual ReNEWed Life Women's Event is quickly approaching and I'm again blessed to be a part of it. As I work with our team and connect with our speaker, my excitement builds. I know God has good things in store for us yet again, but at the same time I'm a little bit sad. I've told the team, I'll be stepping down after this event.

I trust God is leading me to make this move, but as I've said before, "Sometimes stepping away is just as hard as stepping out." That very thought leads me to reflect and makes me remember the days of stepping out. I'm not the same person I am today as I was back in 2012 when this all began. Praise the Lord for that!

Back then I'd been married for 11 years and a mom to a 9, 7, 5, 2 and 1 year old. I was extremely nervous and felt quite unqualified to talk with our speaker as we planned. I struggled to share my ideas with the team because I wrestled with doubts and feelings of insecurity. I worried about what others would think when I spoke from the stage and battled perfection as I prepped prayer cards for all the attendees.

Six years have passed and we just celebrated our 17th anniversary, I now have a 15, 13, 11, 8 and 7 year old. We just finished a softball season and are gearing up for high school football and junior high cross country. Life is busy and I still get overwhelmed, but thankfully I've learned what to do and where to go when stress hits and chaos comes.

As I prepare for the 7th, and for now my final, ReNEWed Life, I'm grateful. God has changed me. I too have grown. As I share a bit about this growth, I'm going to share some pictures of my 2nd born, my daughter Joy. You will see her "grow up" in the pics and I pray as you reflect on your own life over the last 6 years, God gives you pictures as well.

When ReNEWed Life began, Joy was only 7, but she already had a desire to be a part of it all. She sat through each session and made friends with the speaker. To this day she still remembers Lisa Whittle's words to her - "Live up to your name." God has helped her do this and He also changed me with that line as well. Friend, you and I have probably answered to different names through our years, but the one we must live out is: Child of God. A huge part of my growth has come from knowing God more, which helped me understand who I am as His beloved daughter.

After year one, Joy was hooked and in 2013 she was able to hang out with Wendy Blight. The Holy Spirit truly connects hearts and He did that Joy and Wendy. My daughter and I have both grown spiritually because of Wendy's prayers and her teaching. Children need food and rest to grow, crops need sun and rain and friend, we need something as disciples. Romans 10:17 comes to mind. It says, "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the Word of Christ." If we want our faith to grow, we must spend time in the Word. It is what has the power to transform and as God changes us from the inside out, we will grow.

Year three brought Teske Drake to Cresco and Joy not only attended, but she started to serve. She helped decorate the day before and made an apron for our speaker. Teske spoke of the faithfulness of God and as we grow we see it more and more. Maturing in our faith deepens our roots, which leads to fruit. Galatians 5:22-23 becomes more alive in our lives and we experience "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Others are blessed by it as well! As we embark the teenage years, I pray Joy and I both continue to grow in the fruit of the Spirit!

ReNEWed Life 2015 was truly the most difficult event for my girl and me. Not even a month prior, Joy's 1st cousin, Grace, was killed in a car accident. As the older sister she never had and a niece I dearly loved, we both experienced deep grief, yet God led us forward. Our theme for the year was, "From Broken to Beautiful" and through Mary DeMuth God met us in our pain. Many there were grieving and broken, but she encouraged us to cry out to our Lord and Savior. God knows our pain and hears our cries. Friend, growth isn't always easy...children can experience growing pains and Christians can too. God truly uses our trials to deepen our faith and strengthen our relationship with Him. This growth isn't fun, but it is so productive. Keep seeking.

2016 brought Micca Campbell to Iowa and Joy's younger sister, Jaylyn, to her first ReNEWed Life. Together my girls were so excited and honestly, I was a bit exhausted by their enthusiasm as we prepped and decorated. There was a moment I clearly remember questioning why I brought them along, but as I reflect I'm reminded growth is a process. Micca talked much that day about surrender and it's a huge part of growth. Friend, you and I ultimately are not in control of growth. We can pray, read the Bible and worship, but God changes our, and our kids, hearts. He determines how tall we are and the depth of our faith. Just like the corn we plant, there are seasons in our walk of faith. We must be patient and trust Him with the process and then thank Him when the plant starts to sprout and the harvest begins to happen.

Last year, Joy was thrilled to have Luann Prater join us and she did something she had never done. She joined me on stage and helped introduce her faraway friend. In 5 short years I went from wondering if my little girl could sit still all day to watching her address an audience of 100. Clearly, growth takes time, but when we invest in the crop and trust the Creator it happens. As we grow, God leads us to do new things, helps us overcome our fears and bless others in the process.

Friend, I don't know what journey God has had you on over the past few years, but I trust He's been at work. I encourage you to pause for a moment and think about the growth that has taken place. I look back at the pictures of my girl and clearly see she has grown...she's not a little girl anymore, but she clearly has a better understanding of who she is as God's girl. Can the same be said about you?

I may no longer be planning a women's ministry event, but I pray my walk with God continues to change me from the inside out. As I look back at the past 6 years, I find myself looking ahead to 2024. Lord willing 3 of my children will have graduated and they will all have grown and changed. Physically, I'm pretty sure that will happen and I'm praying spiritually it will happen too!

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord thank you for the reminder that growth takes time, but it does happen. You work in amazing ways. I pray you continue to change me from the inside out. Renew me. Restore me. Make me more like you. As my physical body changes, help me not lose heart because I know internally you are renewing me day day. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness in the past help me see it and praise you for it in the future. In Jesus' Name, Amen