You Can Never Go Back - "the GRACE project"

August 29th...I see the 29 on the calendar and one thought instantly comes to mind - a month has passed since Grace's death. In some ways it feels like yesterday and at other moments it seems like she has been gone for a long time. Grief is quite the journey and time has a way of healing, but like I said in a recent post, "Life will never be the same."

I've lost other loved ones, tomorrow actually marks 7 years since we lost a baby in miscarriage, but I've been guilty of letting some things stay the same. When death happens, our thoughts change and our priorities get realigned, but then life goes on and I, maybe you too, forget about the brevity of life and importance of being intentional. Shortly after Grace passed, I whispered a prayer to God asking Him to help me remember - to remember that there are no guarantees and our days are numbered, and to do - to love deeply, to forgive fully and live rightly. 

Though I'm the one who others think remembers everything, there are things I forget and I hate to admit it, but it's often important things like God's Truth and promises. So in an attempt to remember I believe God put something on my heart - "the GRACE project". I first shared about this HERE, but plan to share something on the 29th of every month to help me remember that life really is all about GRACE - God's gift to us that equips us to do what He's called us to. Our Grace once said, "If you have a pulse, you have a purpose" and friend since you're reading this today, that's you! As you and I live out our purpose, I pray we'll remember we can never go back.

Over the last 30 days I've heard a few people say, and even thought myself, "if I could just go back and see Grace one more time and talk with her or give her hug." We'd all love to do this, but the truth, the hard truth, is we can't. But friend, there is something we can do - we can still love the people we have in our lives, we can speak encouraging words, we can ask for forgiveness, we can offer a hug. Is there something you need to talk about with a loved one, neighbor or co-worker? Do it today, say the words. Is there a wrong you've committed and need to say you're sorry? Do it now. When's the last time you hugged your spouse, child or friend and simply said, "I love you?" Today would be a good day to do it again. Remember we can't go back. Something to think about - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

As I think about the fact that we can't go back I also think about time. How are you at using your time wisely? Sometimes I struggle and I waste it. I know I need to do better at avoiding distractions and focusing on the task at hand. How about you? And I need to remember that sometimes the task God wants me to complete really isn't a task at all...it's a person - building relationships takes time, but it's an investment that is worthwhile. As a Mom with little kids, I've often heard the phrase - "Enjoy these days they'll be gone before you know it." With our oldest entering 7th grade and our baby nearing school age, I'm beginning to experience what those people meant and though there are moments now during the driving someone here and picking up another kid there stage of life, I can't go back. And in 15 years, when we're empty nesters we won't be able to return to the chaos, and fun, we're enjoying now. Friend, I say all that to remind myself, and encourage you, to be intentional with our time. Let's use it wisely - for others' good and God's glory! So when's the last time you stepped away from your to-do list and played a game with your child? Or how about set down your phone and enjoyed a heart to heart with a friend? Or maybe even stepped away from your computer to help your husband? Do it today. Something else to think about - "All things are lawful," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful," but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor." (1 Corinthians 10:23-24) 

Finally, the last thing on my heart today connected with this "You can never go back" reality is the Gospel. Friend, depending where you are at there's two parts to this point. For those of you who have a relationship with Christ think about this quote - "The one thing you won't need to do in heaven is share your faith." Once we get to our forever home we will be with Jesus and everyone there will know Him, so if we want to witness we need to do it now!! Has God's grace changed your life? Tell someone about that today! Has God's grace pulled you out of the pit? Share your story and help God do the same for someone else! Friends, we can't go back. "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..." (1 Peter 3:15)

For those of you who feel like I'm speaking a foreign language let me explain a bit...for years I grew up thinking - I was baptized as a baby, believe in God and try to be good so I'll go to heaven. Though that thinking is common, it's not right. The Bible tells us that God sent His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16) Again I knew this as a child and young adult, but it was head knowledge, which will not save me. Nearly 16 years ago, God did a heart transformation and I began a personal relationship with my Lord and Savior. Friend when the end comes (and it will) we don't have time to make that decision, we have to do it now because we can't go back. So if this leaves you with questions, please seek out a believing friend or send me a message. A story from Luke 16 supports this thinking - here we read about a rich man and Lazarus. The rich man had no need for God during his earthly life, or at least that's what he thought, so when the end came he found himself in Hades, also known as hell. He can see Lazarus with Abraham from a distance and begs for him to have pity, but Abraham responds, "And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us." (vs 26) Friend when the end comes there's no going back. Have you accepted Christ as your Savior? Have you repented of your sins and confessed Jesus as Lord? Do it today! "If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 10:9

Friend, thank you for joining me today, I pray "the GRACE project" impacts each of us to live out of God's grace and share it with others! 

There's Power (and Beauty) in Numbers

The "J" Crew

 The last 4 weeks have been full. It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride with highs and lows. We've said "Good-bye" to a niece, celebrated her sister's wedding, enjoyed our 4th annual ReNEWed Life Women's Event and I've survived a week of being a single Mom while Job fished in Canada.

Tears and laughs, smiles and sorrow have all been a part of our days. Through it all I've been learning new Truths and revisiting familiar ones. The night Grace died I carried extra food to our church basement and instantly my eyes fell on a bulletin board. The only words I saw were, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor; if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10) This was a verse put up in preparation for a bridal shower, but it quickly became my prayer as I whispered, "Lord, help us do this. Help us be there for each other and lift one another when we fall."

Local Friends and Sisters in Christ

In the days that have passed, God has done just that. He has brought people into my life and worked through them. Some friends are face to face and many of them are grieving too. We've shared hugs and tears, prayers and encouragement. We've been there for one another and I'm grateful. Others are far-away friends, but God has used them as well. It's been good to have others a bit removed from the personal, raw grief we are experiencing. These friends are able to listen and point me to the Truth. They have also been diligent to pray and I'm thankful for the texts, calls and messages they've shared to encourage and uplift. God is answering the prayer I prayed 28 nights ago in ways I never expected.

Far-away friends connected by Christ

Friend, I share all of this to remind myself and you of the importance of people. Life can get busy and it can be easy, and sometimes feel necessary, to move from one item on our to-do list to the next, but we must be intentional and invest in the relationships God has blessed us with. He is a relational God and our relationship with Him must be our priority, but then we must build the ones with the people He's put in our lives. These people are there for a reason - some are family and live daily life with us, others are church family who grow with us in Christ, some are neighbors who we can witness to and some are far-away friends that the Spirit connects. I believe each person enters our circle for a reason and lately I've learned they play a critical role when times are tough.

Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." I think we often think about doing this for others, which is good and Godly, but over the last month I've been challenged to be on the other end and let others carry some of mine. Friend, this is not always an easy task, but it's vital. If you're in a hard place, and that's not limited to grief - it can include relationship struggles, parenting challenges, marriage difficulties, a bad day, seek out another and share your pain with a friend. Remember the joy you experience when you're able to listen, help or pray for another? Give your friends an opportunity to feel the same! May we remember there's power and beauty in numbers! God works in us and through us and when we gather together He is with us! (Matthew 18:20)

To close I want to share a poem that has come to mind over the last few days...it's one I actually wrote nearly 7 years ago following our miscarriage. Truly a time when I experienced people being the hands and feet of Christ. Over the last month I've experienced the same. So to each of you who've reached out, prayed, offered sympathy and support I want to say, "Thank you, I saw Jesus when I saw you!"

“I Saw Jesus”
His eyes, His eyes welcomed with peace and love.
He cared when no one else seemed to notice.
He listened while everyone else continued to talk.
His arms embraced when others were too busy.
He was honest while the world tried to pretend.
He felt my pain when others didn’t know I was hurt.
He loved me as family because God is our Father.

I saw Jesus…when I saw you.

Never the Same - "the Grace project"

Three weeks have passed since we said "Good-bye" to our dear niece Grace. It's hard to see but in this picture she's wearing a shirt that says, "Never the Same". That was the motto for her Costa Rica mission trip, but it was also something talked about at her funeral. Her older brother, Caleb, mentioned that life would never be the same and he was right, things are different. I could give you a list, but I'm assuming you've lost a loved one and you know the pain and changes that it brings. 

Much has been on my heart the last 21 days and though I'm sad and don't like the fact that our lives will never be the same without Grace in them, I've been challenged as well. In some ways I'm hoping my life is never the same. Death, especially when it's unexpected, is always such a perspective check for me. A reminder of the things, and people, I take for granted. Proof that I am not in control and have no idea what the future holds. Life can get busy and sometimes I lose focus of the big picture. I'll be honest and admit that I'm guilty of getting upset over things that don't matter, getting anxious about things that I can't control and getting consumed with stuff that has no eternal significance. 

Days after Grace's death I vowed to be more intentional with my time, my words and my actions. Even with my thoughts and how I appreciated people. As I saw Facebook post after Facebook post with words about the difference Grace had made and heard of the love people had for her, I was convicted. Why do we wait until it's too late to let people know they are appreciated? Maybe that's just me. As I thought about this God assured me it didn't have to be like that. Following Grace's death things would never be the same and this, appreciating others more, would be a good change. 

I knew this good change didn't have to be limited to one thing, and I trusted God had more to teach me so in the midst of my sadness I sought His direction and wisdom. God knows I love words and proceeded to give me something for each letter in Grace's name, something that when I put together I call "the GRACE project". These are all things I've tried to do before, but have been more intentional with the last 3 weeks. I don't want to just remember Grace, but want to be impacted by the legacy she left and friend if you have that desire yourself will join me and complete the GRACE project too?

So what is this you might be wondering? Let me explain -

G - Gospel Sharing - At the funeral, one of Grace's sisters shared a story about her pee-wee softball days. Some of the girls on the team were cheering and yelled, "Believe in yourself! Just believe in yourself!" Little, determined, fearless Grace turned to them and said, "Don't believe in yourself, believe in Jesus!!" At a young age Grace got it, she understood the Gospel and she wasn't afraid to share it. I know it, but I can do better at sharing it. There are times I need to be like that little girl Grace and not worry about what others will think and simply speak up and share the Truth. That's what the "G" of "the GRACE project" is all about. "But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect." 1 Peter 3:15 

R - Right Living - Now Grace would be the first to admit she was far from perfect, but as a 20 year old she had a deep desire to live rightly. When it comes to right living it's avoiding the wrong, bad things (God will clearly show you what that means for you), but it's more. Right living is tied to Godly living. Remember the old phrase, "What would Jesus do?" I think right living boils down to "What did Jesus do?" Abiding, prayer, seeking, sharing our faith and forgiving are all a big piece of this puzzle! Friend we must avoid sin, but let's not forget to also do what is right! "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17 

A - Appreciate the Moment - This letter sums up what I was talking about earlier...friend, it's a hard fact to face, but the reality is all of us have numbered days. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring so we need to make the most and best of today. It's easy for life to go by and be distracted by the busyness. We need to be thankful, but don't stop there, why not let others (God first, then people) know we love and appreciate them. Take a minute and think - when is the last time you really let someone know what they mean to you? Remember this is not about flattering someone else, but genuinely sharing how you see God working in and through them. "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 

C - Courageous and Obedient - Have you ever thought about what it means to be courageous? According to Webster it means to be brave, but Biblically this word means a bit more - "the quality of mind that enables people to encounter danger or difficulties with firmness and without fear." Personally, courage has never been one of my strong points, but God has been working on that and friend it takes courage to be obedient, which in the Bible means "to hear God's Word and act accordingly." Grace lived this out...I specifically remember her coming home from a mission trip two years ago when she was set to head to her first year of college. She was excited and looking forward to it, but while on foreign soil she sensed God leading her in a different direction so she cancelled all her plans and lived God's out. For us hindsight is 20/20 and it's obvious she did the right thing and went where God called, but friend we need foresight to trust God when He changes our plans. Courageous obedience is a must if we want that to happen. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Johsua 1:9  

E - Encouraging and Enthusiastic - Finally when I think about Grace two powerful "E" words come to mind - she was enthusiastic about all she did and was an encourager for all who knew her. Oh to be the same! Friend if you long to live out these words let me assure you of something God has been teaching me...it's possible! The same Holy Spirit that equipped Grace can equip you and me. And that same Spirit can work through us to impact others. "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Grace's death spurred on "the GRACE project" for me, but as I pray about this I realize it's not just something to do in memory of Grace, but understand it will only take place because of God's grace. It's His free gift that has changed me and will equip me to do all He asks. He will do the same for you! So friend, even if you never knew "our Grace" I pray you've experienced God's grace and if you're feeling led to live out "the GRACE project" I pray God will work through that powerfully in your life and for His kingdom!

I'm going to close by sharing a video of Grace that her sister posted on Facebook. Five days after Grace's funeral was her older sister Jennah's wedding. They found this song recorded on her computer; she wrote it and I believe intended to sing at the reception. The tears still fall every time I listen, but as someone said these words could have also been about her relationship with Jesus...she is with Him now for eternity. May we each pursue Him, strengthen our relationship with Him and live our lives for Him! 

"You're the One for Me" by: Grace Harken 

Gifts...it's about more than giving!

Hello friends! It's not often I write on my blog back to back, but this week it's a good thing! Today I'm again sharing at the Encouragement Cafe, you can read my devotional, "What do you do with a gift?" HERE. I'm not sure what I was thinking in June when I submitted two devotionals on the topic of "Remaining Faithful in the Storms", but I know God knew what my future held. His ways are not my ways and His timing is remarkable. It is quite humbling to have Him speak to me through words He put on my heart months ago. I pray He does the same for you!

In today's devotional I talk about gifts and in preparation for this post I've been thinking about them. For some people, including my 10 year old daughter, gifts are their love language. These people feel love when someone gives something to them. They are the ones counting down the days to Christmas and are often found giving gifts to others. I'll admit, that's not me. I struggle knowing what to buy and often wonder what the receiver will think.

Thinking about gifts has helped me realize I don't just have a hard time with the giving, but receiving is a challenge for me as well. I can clearly remember one Christmas as a teen...we'd opened all our gifts and I felt bad. Not because I didn't get what I wanted, but instead because I felt like I didn't deserve all I'd been given. That statement alone gives you a glimpse of my works mentality...for years I've lived with the mindset that I have to earn what I get. (In case my kids read this...often in life that is what we need to do!)

We must be responsible and diligent, but when it comes to God we must remember He is giving, generous and good. Here's just a glimpse -

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17

"To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good...." 1 Corinthians 12:7

"As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace..." 1 Peter 4:10

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

As Job, the man in the Bible, says, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away." My husband, also known as Job, has quoted this verse to me before and I think it's natural to struggle when God does the latter and I've done that plenty, but today I'm convicted of something else. God has given me much...my salvation, my faith, His grace, my family, opportunities, friendships, the list could go on. I think I truly appreciate all He's given, but I'm not sure I completely receive it. 

Think with me for a minute, "What does it mean to receive?" According to Webster it means to acquire, believe, welcome, bear and experience. Think about all God has to offer - love, forgiveness, peace, His Spirit, again the list goes on; He wants to and is giving us ALL we need, but we have to receive it. I can give my husband love, but he has to receive it. I can give my kids instruction, but they have to choose to learn from it. I can give my neighbors a meal, but they have to eat it. God will provide for our every need, but we have to go to Him with open arms, ears, eyes and hearts to receive it. 

Once we receive it we have to use it, apply it, believe it and experience it. At the same time we, well I, but if it's a struggle for you, join me in getting past the thinking that we have to earn it and move past the feelings of "I don't deserve it." God was showing me this awhile back when I was wrestling with some connections He has created and blessed me with...I was feeling very undeserving and found myself asking God a question I've asked before, "Who am I...that You bless me with this?" Again, He responded with the same answer, "No Jill, WHO am I?"

Oh friend, I've been reminded that God is so much bigger than the God I continue to learn about and grow closer to. He is powerful, loving and gracious. He is giving, present and faithful. He is holy, just and wise. And He is sovereign. I pray we would all grow to know Him better, long to serve Him more and fully receive all He has to offer. 

As we grow in our faith may we experience what Lucy from the Narnia series did - 

“Aslan" said Lucy "you're bigger".

"That is because you are older, little one" answered he.

"Not because you are?"

"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger".”

It's not just about the GIFT, but also the blessing of and joy in receiving! My kids love receiving Christmas presents...not just because they get something but also because they experience the love of the giver! May we do the same with ALL God wants to give us!!

Thinking about quitting?

Well, it's been said God works in interesting ways and I'll say, "I have to agree." For those of you visiting my blog from Encouragement Cafe today...here's a quick recap of the last sixteen days - on the 26th of July I returned home from She Speaks, a writing and speaking conference that filled me up. I left North Carolina with 3 words on my heart - "No Turning Back". God spoke to my heart, confirmed His call and assured me of His equipping. I was ready to follow His lead, yet entirely aware of my tendency to step off my mat only to crawl back on it. (See John 5)

I was back on the farm for just over 48 hours when our world was rocked...Grace, our fun, loving, full of life niece was killed in a bike/car accident. It still brings tears as I type the reality we all continue to wrestle with. Friends, I was expecting Satan to tempt me to turn back, but I was not prepared for him to leave me feeling like I wanted to quit, but that's what happened.

In those moments when my vision clears and I look at the big picture, I know God is working. Like Paul said as he sat in prison, we know God is using this for the advancement of the Gospel. (Philippians 1:12) Seeds are being planted, the Gospel was preached and is being lived out, a hurting world is witnessing the hope we have, but it's hard. It's so hard.

In the late night hours following Grace's death God woke me up, well actually my little boy did, but God kept me up and spoke words to my heart. Words I needed to hear, Truth I needed to remember and promises I need to cling to. As He did this, I did what I always do when I don't want to forget, I wrote it down. Then I read it again, prayed and asked God to use the words I needed to hear to bless someone else. I titled my post, "Grieving for, and with, Grace", hit publish and went back to bed.

The next morning I woke hoping the nightmare was over, but instead found nearly 3,000 people had read the words God put on my heart. He clearly answered my "Use me" prayer from days ago. I see that now, but over the last two weeks that hasn't always been the case...I've actually done what I prayed I wouldn't do - I crawled on my bed and wrestled with this whole serving God and speaking Truth thing. Part of me wants to delete that sentence, but God wants me to be honest. Friend, just because we have Jesus and the hope He offers doesn't make death easy. It's hard, we grieve, we miss the one we love, we don't understand, we ask "Why?", we cry...it's part of the process, but we do it with HOPE and CONFIDENCE. Even if sometimes it takes awhile.

And friend, if you're in that place, the place where it's taking awhile to stand on the Truth and cling to Christ can I encourage you? Last week I was there, I was struggling and having a hard day. I asked a few friends to pray early in the morning, but in the afternoon I continued to stumble as I tried to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. It was then I had a message letting me know I had a devotional running in the coming week...I don't think I've ever talked to my computer, but I did that day as I told Mr. Dell, "I don't want a devotional!" I opened the email to find the title, "When You Want to Quit". These were words I had put on paper nearly 8 weeks ago, but ones I obviously needed to read at that moment.

I read the devotional (you can read itHERE) and did what I had suggested to do - I wrote out the key verse - "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 3:14) And then I added two more - "But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:57) "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." (Romans 8:37) As I put these words on paper, I prayed and asked God to etch them on my heart and make them a reality in my life.

Friend, I wish I could explain all God did and said to me through what some may think are three simple sentences, but I believe it's more important to remind us all that His Word is living and active, sharper than any double edge sword (Heb. 4:12) and when it goes out it will not return void (Isaiah 55:11). His Word spoke to my heart and renewed my mind, it can do the same for you!

In the days that have passed I've thought about this more and have had to return to my card with Truth on it and Bible with Truth in it. I've wondered how to express what God has on my heart and again I share words God spoke to me praying they may also bless you. As I prayed about a post to share to acompany today's devotional, God brought to mind an interview I heard Steven Curtis Chapman do after the death of his young daughter. Someone asked if he would continue to write and sing songs that told about his faith and glorified our God. Steven paused for a bit and responded with something along the lines of "I believed it before, I know it now."

He had a choice and many would have understood if he gave up singing and doing what he'd always done, but he knew what God created him to do...live out his calling and glorify his Creator. Steven Curtis Chapman didn't quit and friend, neither should I. Or you. The truth is life is hard, the world is broken and sin is present. Bad, hard things have happened and will continue to happen. We will be tempted to turn back, tempted to quit, so decide now what are you going to do. Will you give up? Will you think it's too hard and surrender to Satan? These aren't easy questions, I'm asking myself too, but they are ones we need to consider.

Our circumstances will change, but our God never does! He is good. He is faithful. He is powerful. He is able. And friend, He is worthy and the work we do for Him, no matter how hard it is, is worthwhile! Let's pray...

Dear Heavenly Father, we come to You hurting and broken, but yet approach You with confidence knowing You are on the throne. We ask You to fill us with Your Spirit. Draw us to Yourself and feed us from Your Word. Open our ears to hear, eyes to see and tender our hearts to receive. Lord, restore to us the joy of our salvation, renew a right spirit within us and give us the desire to share the hope we have in You. Father in those moments when we are tempted to quit, remind us of who You are...a good God who's called us, a loving Father who's equipped us and the Holy Spirit who empowers us. Help us press on and walk in the victory You've already won. In the precious and powerful name of Jesus we pray, Amen

Thinking about quitting?

Well, it's been said God works in interesting ways and I'll say, "I have to agree." For those of you visiting my blog from Encouragement Cafe today...here's a quick recap of the last sixteen days - on the 26th of July I returned home from She Speaks, a writing and speaking conference that filled me up. I left North Carolina with 3 words on my heart - "No Turning Back". God spoke to my heart, confirmed His call and assured me of His equipping. I was ready to follow His lead, yet entirely aware of my tendency to step off my mat only to crawl back on it. (See John 5)

I was back on the farm for just over 48 hours when our world was rocked...Grace, our fun, loving, full of life niece was killed in a bike/car accident. It still brings tears as I type the reality we all continue to wrestle with. Friends, I was expecting Satan to tempt me to turn back, but I was not prepared for him to leave me feeling like I wanted to quit, but that's what happened.

In those moments when my vision clears and I look at the big picture, I know God is working. Like Paul said as he sat in prison, we know God is using this for the advancement of the Gospel. (Philippians 1:12) Seeds are being planted, the Gospel was preached and is being lived out, a hurting world is witnessing the hope we have, but it's hard. It's so hard.

In the late night hours following Grace's death God woke me up, well actually my little boy did, but God kept me up and spoke words to my heart. Words I needed to hear, Truth I needed to remember and promises I need to cling to. As He did this, I did what I always do when I don't want to forget, I wrote it down. Then I read it again, prayed and asked God to use the words I needed to hear to bless someone else. I titled my post, "Grieving for, and with, Grace", hit publish and went back to bed.

The next morning I woke hoping the nightmare was over, but instead found nearly 3,000 people had read the words God put on my heart. He clearly answered my "Use me" prayer from days ago. I see that now, but over the last two weeks that hasn't always been the case...I've actually done what I prayed I wouldn't do - I crawled on my bed and wrestled with this whole serving God and speaking Truth thing. Part of me wants to delete that sentence, but God wants me to be honest. Friend, just because we have Jesus and the hope He offers doesn't make death easy. It's hard, we grieve, we miss the one we love, we don't understand, we ask "Why?", we cry...it's part of the process, but we do it with HOPE and CONFIDENCE. Even if sometimes it takes awhile.

And friend, if you're in that place, the place where it's taking awhile to stand on the Truth and cling to Christ can I encourage you? Last week I was there, I was struggling and having a hard day. I asked a few friends to pray early in the morning, but in the afternoon I continued to stumble as I tried to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. It was then I had a message letting me know I had a devotional running in the coming week...I don't think I've ever talked to my computer, but I did that day as I told Mr. Dell, "I don't want a devotional!" I opened the email to find the title, "When You Want to Quit". These were words I had put on paper nearly 8 weeks ago, but ones I obviously needed to read at that moment.

I read the devotional (you can read it HERE) and did what I had suggested to do - I wrote out the key verse - "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 3:14) And then I added two more - "But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:57) "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." (Romans 8:37) As I put these words on paper, I prayed and asked God to etch them on my heart and make them a reality in my life.

Friend, I wish I could explain all God did and said to me through what some may think are three simple sentences, but I believe it's more important to remind us all that His Word is living and active, sharper than any double edge sword (Heb. 4:12) and when it goes out it will not return void (Isaiah 55:11). His Word spoke to my heart and renewed my mind, it can do the same for you!

In the days that have passed I've thought about this more and have had to return to my card with Truth on it and Bible with Truth in it. I've wondered how to express what God has on my heart and again I share words God spoke to me praying they may also bless you. As I prayed about a post to share to acompany today's devotional, God brought to mind an interview I heard Steven Curtis Chapman do after the death of his young daughter. Someone asked if he would continue to write and sing songs that told about his faith and glorified our God. Steven paused for a bit and responded with something along the lines of "I believed it before, I know it now."

He had a choice and many would have understood if he gave up singing and doing what he'd always done, but he knew what God created him to do...live out his calling and glorify his Creator. Steven Curtis Chapman didn't quit and friend, neither should I. Or you. The truth is life is hard, the world is broken and sin is present. Bad, hard things have happened and will continue to happen. We will be tempted to turn back, tempted to quit, so decide now what are you going to do. Will you give up? Will you think it's too hard and surrender to Satan? These aren't easy questions, I'm asking myself too, but they are ones we need to consider.

Our circumstances will change, but our God never does! He is good. He is faithful. He is powerful. He is able. And friend, He is worthy and the work we do for Him, no matter how hard it is, is worthwhile! Let's pray...

Dear Heavenly Father, we come to You hurting and broken, but yet approach You with confidence knowing You are on the throne. We ask You to fill us with Your Spirit. Draw us to Yourself and feed us from Your Word. Open our ears to hear, eyes to see and tender our hearts to receive. Lord, restore to us the joy of our salvation, renew a right spirit within us and give us the desire to share the hope we have in You. Father in those moments when we are tempted to quit, remind us of who You are...a good God who's called us, a loving Father who's equipped us and the Holy Spirit who empowers us. Help us press on and walk in the victory You've already won. In the precious and powerful name of Jesus we pray, Amen

We Need to Remember

Hello Friend! If you are just visiting my blog after reading my devotional at Encouragement Cafe, welcome! Look around and stay awhile. Today I was sharing a bit of my heart about identity and how sometimes I'm like my daughter...she can be irresponsible and lose her things and I can let my mind wonder and forget who I am. You can read, "I Can't Find It" by clicking HERE.

Friends, there are times I am responsible for forgetting who I am in Christ...I lose perspective, let my mind run with wrong thinking and listen to lies. But if we're honest sometimes identity theft happens in a spiritual sense. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. (John 10:10) He will do anything he can to make us forget who we are in Christ.

I've been thinking about this and friend this doesn't just happen when are attempting to step out of our comfort zone and do something for Christ. It also just doesn't happen when we are struggling with our worth and feeling like we don't measure up. Often it happens when we least expect...just like with physical theft. Satan wants to steal our identity...he knows our weak spots and recognizes our vulnerable moments. He will attack when we are weak, sad and alone. He is also capable of using our circumstances against us.

As I sit here typing I find myself reflecting on the week that was...one of the hardest I've ever experienced as I grieve the loss of my niece and try to help my children navigate the road of grief. Thankfully God has been drawing me close and led me to ask others for prayer. I truly believe He is answering those prayers as we find strength to stand when really we just want to crawl in a ball and cry. He is comforting us, but He's doing more. He's whispered to my heart and instructed me to be aware.

Death is hard, it's something we don't understand and grief is something we don't want to experience, yet it's a constant in life. It's also a challenge, a process and involves a cycle. If we're not aware of this, a bad situation can get worse. During this time Satan wants to plant lies, he wants me (and you) to doubt. He longs for us to entertain thoughts like - "God can't be good when a wonderful, 20 year old girl full of life gets killed. Or, He doesn't love you. His plans aren't for good. You don't want to follow Him."

Friend, these lies from the enemy are ones he can use to steal your identity. He wants us to forget who we are because when we do we are paralyzed and no longer able to give God glory and impact His kingdom. So to help us remember let's think about a few key pieces of our identity -

We are God's child.
"But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God." John 1:12

We are created in God's image.  
"God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." Genesis 1:27

We are loved.
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16

We have a purpose.
"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

We have value.
"Knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ." 1 Peter 1:18-19

Oh friend, we need to remember who we are in good times and in bad. May we also not forget that Satan is on the attack! Let's work to be responsible so we don't lose our identity and let's pray that God will help us abide so Satan can't steal it either! And perhaps most importantly in all of this, let's keep our eyes fixed on God and focus on who He is.

Thank you for joining me here, I'm honored to have you choose to read my words, but I know God can speak through your's as well so let's continue the conversation. Have you ever lost your identity? How do you guard it so Satan can't steal it? I'd love to know so feel free to share in the comments or send me an email at jillberan@yahoo.com. 

If you'd like to hear more about this topic of worth and a bit of my testimony as well, listen into my radio interview with "My Journey of Faith" by clicking HERE. 

And I don't want to be redundant, but I want to ask and thank you again for your prayers. We all miss Grace deeply and waves of grief hit frequently and impact each of us uniquely. Also in the midst of grief we are trying to prepare to rejoice and celebrate as Grace's older sister, Jennah, gets married on Saturday. I know God is answering prayers, so thank you again for lifting them!

Thinking about worth...

Hello friend, I had no intention of writing today, but I'm blessed to be sharing a devotional at the Encouragement Cafe and would love for you to join me there. You can visit by clicking HERE. A couple of months have passed since I penned the words you will find there today. "Why Worth Matters" came from a lesson God had been teaching me and now as I reflect on the week that has passed, He's confirmed the message I shared.

If you've read my blog over the last week you know it's been a tough one...yesterday we said our final earthly "good-byes" to Grace, our 20 year old niece. (You can read about her HERE and HERE.) Yesterday as I walked out of our local high school following the funeral, a friend shared some words with me.

Rose spoke about her last visit with Grace and recalled the hug she'd received. She concluded with something along the lines that Grace loved everyone, and she did. As I heard these words I had another thought: But when you were with her, she loved you like the only one.

Grace was unique in many ways with this being one of them...she made time for people and when she conversed with them she wasn't thinking about something else, she was engaged. This wasn't only true with her peers, but people of all ages. Just weeks ago I remember her chatting with an elderly woman at church...listening to what she had to say and offering a hug to express her love. Then there are memories of her with young people...all of my 5 kids have memories with her and are grieving her loss deeply. Why? Because she loved them, took time for them and saw value in them. Grace didn't stop here though, she took it a step further and loved people she'd never known and lived a life she never knew as she went on numerous mission trips and loved God's people.

So, what does this have to do with today's devotional? Good question, but I believe there is a simple answer...Grace was secure in her identity. She knew who she was and where her worth came from. She was a sinner saved by grace and she lived for others to know the same.

Oh friend, over the last week I've been reminded again and again how important it is to know we are and live as the one God created us to be. This makes a big difference for the people around us, but it also makes the only difference that matters eternally for us. When we accept Christ as our Lord and Savior, we realize we are a sinner bought by the blood who has become a child of the King. This fact alone is amazing, but it's so much better when we live like that is who we are!! Living this out, truly being secure in who we are in Christ, is for our own good and for God's glory! We saw evidence of this as thousands spoke out about Grace and the impact her life made.

Friend, I pray the words of my devotional and the Truth from God's Word would speak to each of us today. Our worth matters and so does everyone else's. Like my grandma once told me, "Remember you're not better than anyone else, but you're just as good as them." Today let us not forget..."Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." (Proverbs 29:25) And may we remember to "encourage one another and build each other up." (1 Thes. 5:11)

Friend, when we view ourselves, and others, rightly God is glorified, His love is shared and people are impacted. Stand secure in who you are today and make a difference that will last into forever!

Different is Good

I believe Grace was just a few years old when I really connected with her and it probably started because of the game we both loved and played. Basketball, it truly was a love of her life, but obviously not the love. After surgery her senior year, she thought her shining moments were done on the Wildcat court but God had a different plan - in a few hours hundreds will gather in the gym, reflect on and celebrate her life with more amazement than we ever did her basketball skills. And that’s good because it’s what she’d want.

I have many memories of Grace - her love for puppies and all animals, her mutton-bustin heroics, her desire, and often ability, to keep up with her brothers and boy cousins. But friends, you have countless memories as well, so do many others scattered across the world. So in the past few days, I haven’t just been thinking about the memories, I’ve been thinking about Grace and honestly she was kind of different.

I can remember when I coached her and Jennah in basketball…she was in elementary and Jennah junior high. One day I picked them up for practice and Jennah immediately started sharing, “I don’t know why she dresses like this…(I took a quick look - mismatched clothes, different socks and her brother’s shoes) she doesn’t care what people think.” Now my brain works a bit more like Jennah’s did back then and I worry about what people think…Grace on the other hand was secure in who and Whose she was…from an early age she lived for an audience of One. In our world today, that is kind of different.

I also recall one of the first conversations I had with Grace that’s always stuck. She was only 4 years old and I was not yet her aunt “Dill”, but she came to me and said, “My Mommy is having a baby, but don’t tell nobody it’s a secret.” From an early age, Grace was excited to share good news and that became a passion of her life as she traveled the globe to share the Gospel and lived like Christ in front of us. How many of us do that? Like I said, Grace was kind of different.

The other day the kids and I were talking and we recalled the many times we saw Grace reading, the countless items she knit and the fun they had swimming with her. As this conversation took place, I was reminded how Grace lived out the FCA motto she shared…she was all in. She never did anything half way, if she was going to do it, whatever it was, she gave it her best and did it with enthusiasm and often the smile we will all remember.  Would you agree? That’s kind of different.

Her first year playing and my last coaching.

Friends, Grace wasn’t different because of her personality, interests or passions it was really because of her faith. It was because of the God she knew and loved, Jesus the One she’d accepted and served and the Holy Spirit that filled and empowered her. She took God at His Word and believed the Bible was true and it made her kind of different, a good different. A different that made a difference. And I truly believe she’d want nothing more than for each of us to walk out those gym doors today a bit different ourselves because through her life, and even in her death, we’ve each taken a step closer to Jesus.

Again friends I want to thank you for prayers, encouraging words, shared tears and hugs...in a truly difficult time they bring comfort and show support. May they continue...today let's go be different in honor of Grace and for the glory of God!